Her Authentic Voice™
Hosted by Coach Tara, this podcast is a space for faith-driven women who are ready to reclaim their voices, break free from guilt and shame, and walk boldly in their God-given purpose. Each episode features powerful testimonies, raw conversations, and live storytelling from women who have found healing through their faith. Whether you’re an aspiring writer, a woman with a story to tell, or someone seeking encouragement, this podcast will inspire you to live, love, and BE authentic.
Her Authentic Voice™
Finding Freedom Through Full Surrender
God's love and redemptive power can transform even the most broken lives, turning past shame into purposeful testimony. We explore the journey of surrender, healing from toxic relationships, and using our stories to help others find freedom.
• Coach Tara introduces her new podcast focused on helping women break free from shame and step into bold faith
• Sharing her testimony of being called by God while still living a life involving drugs and escorting
• The challenge of forgiving yourself even after experiencing God's forgiveness
• How to move through feelings of shame and guilt without making a permanent home there
• Joy shares her experience of losing her makeup studio and learning to surrender to God's redirection
• Breaking free from people-pleasing and making idols of our problems instead of seeking God
• Learning that "acceptance allows you to surrender better" in difficult seasons
• Healing from toxic relationship patterns by valuing self-love above acceptance from others
• The importance of having praying friends who can speak truth and provide Biblical counsel
• How sharing your testimony provides a blueprint for someone else's breakthrough
If you've been touched by this episode, we invite you to follow Her Authentic Voice on social media and share with someone who needs to hear this message of hope and redemption.
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🙌 Until next time, remember to live, love, and BE authentic. 💛
Have you ever felt like your story didn't matter, that your voice wasn't enough? Here's the truth. Your story is not just yours. It's a testimony, a light, a blueprint for someone else's breakthrough. Welcome to the Her Authentic Voice podcast, where we break free from shame, step into bold faith and use our voices to inspire others. I'm your host, coach Tara, and every episode is an invitation to own your story, embrace your purpose and speak with confidence. Are you ready? Let's go higher together. Let's live love and be authentic, authentic Voice, and I thank God for it.
Speaker 1:I was not ready to come on, I was not ready to do my podcast again, but he has said it. And then he said it again. And he said it again and I said, okay, amen, amen and yeah, sometimes you just got to go for it. You got to go for it. And one thing I did differently was I did not take it the previous episodes and continue on as I did previously with the name change. I just kept the episodes going episode 60, 61. No, I started over. This is episode one, so welcome. You're going to grow with me. You're going to grow with me. You see the good, the bad, the ugly, whatever the mess up, because I will not despise small beginnings and I'm just going to be obedient Now. Did I have to do it? No, because God may tell us to do something, but it doesn't mean we have to do it. Do you do everything? God says no, and he doesn't make us, but I understand the call on my life. Sometimes I don't want to do it, sometimes I don't even want to do the things that he asked me to do, but I do understand the necessity of my voice and, with that being said, the necessity of your voice, and how important it is for me to speak and to share, because there's so many women that are like me who've had similar paths like me.
Speaker 1:You know whether you grew up in church or not. I did not grow up in church. I actually grew up as a Jehovah's Witness and then I lived all types of ways. You know I really did. I've had a sordid past. When God called me, I was still bisexual. I lived that way like 15 years. I got high every day, in fact. I used to do a lot of things. I used to have girls work for me. I used to be one of the girls sitting in hotel rooms, thinking that I was so high class because I wasn't walking the street. I've lived a life.
Speaker 1:I've seen things that many of you may have never seen, especially if you're just. I'm not going to say just because it's not a bad thing to be kept by the Lord, it's not a bad thing to grow up in church, so I'm not going to say that, but you may not know what it's like to live and see and be in some of the spaces that I've been, you know. So, women that I talk to, they've dealt with some shame and some guilt. And the thing is, even if you've never sold your body, you've never smoked weed every day, you've never been a madam, you know you've never belonged to another religion cult religion, I mean even if you've never, you know you've still experienced guilt, you've still experienced shame, you've still had moments when you did not feel Like you were worthy. You did not feel like you were enough, because I felt All those things.
Speaker 1:And when the Lord saved me, he came While I was still deep in my mess, because I didn't think Nothing was wrong with me, I was fine, I wasn't even looking for him, but he called me. So I know, this is what I know If he can save me, he can save you and he can save him and he can save her. So I don't get caught up in that. I am not a super. So I don't get caught up in that. I am not a super. Look what they did and, oh my goodness. And they're going to hell.
Speaker 1:And that's not me, Because what I was doing, I am so grateful, you hear me. I am so grateful that God loves me. I'm so grateful that he called me. I'm so grateful that he forgave me. So what I don't do I don't throw anybody under as if they can't be redeemed Don't do that. I don't hold grudges over anyone. Don't do that, too scared to do that, because I fear the Lord and I know that he is a loving God. And he said what loving kindness have I drawn thee? And he didn't condemn me. I was condemning myself. I have so much guilt and even though he forgave me and saved me, it took a while for me to forgive me.
Speaker 1:So I know if you've done anything that you're ashamed of, if you've been involved in anything, I know it can be difficult to forgive yourself. It really can. I am not listen, I'm not a stranger to it. But see, this is where we may differ. This is where we may differ. I experience embarrassment, I experience shame, I experience guilt. I just don't stay there. I just don't stay there Because okay, I laugh because I say this and it's my memoir. I wrote a memoir called Everybody Kneeling Ain't Praying Because they're not.
Speaker 1:So when I was out there in that world, especially when I was an escort, I saw a lot and people, even prominent people, prominent people, pastors and law enforcement and politicians. They do things that you would really be shocked. Everybody kneeling ain't praying. Baby, I don't care how much money you have, I don't care what your last name is, I don't care People be peopling. So I'm not impressed and God's not impressed. Character, not character. Integrity that's impressive. It's impressive have integrity. But, yeah, people do some things out here and I've seen a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so everybody kneeling and praying and, with that being the case, I don't think anybody's better than me and I don't think I'm better than anybody. I just think we're people, you know, and we're all out here, like my bishop say, having this human experience together. So that's what it is. So you may not have done what I've done, you may not have done what somebody else has done, but you've done something. You understand. That's what it means. Everybody kneel and they pray You've done something. So why would I Sit in guilt, sit in shame, sit in embarrassment? Just sit there, make my home there. But what and why should you See? That's where we may be different. That's where we may be different. That's where we may be different.
Speaker 1:I feel the emotions Because it sucks when you go through those things, when you're feeling that pain. I feel it Because feelings are natural. I don't vilify feelings and you shouldn't either Allow yourself to feel. They're natural. You just have to be mindful not to be in a stuck place because it's hard to get out. You know I've been. I've been listen, I've been in a stuck place. I'm telling you what I've experienced. I've been to the point of despair where I wanted to jump off the bridge. You hear me? I've been in a stuck place.
Speaker 1:So when I share, I'm not talking about things I've read. I've lived and I've experienced so much, even before I entered this world. In my mother's womb, I've been rejected from the beginning, and the one person who loved me, who loved me unconditionally, more than anyone has ever loved me, is the Lord Jesus, when I didn't even feel unlovable, when I did things that I deem made me unlovable. He loved me. So don't look at yourself as if you're unworthy, because you're not. You are worthy and you are enough, and I don't care who says you're not. I don't care, and you shouldn't either.
Speaker 1:Tap into what your creator says about you. Let his voice be louder, because guess what people gonna do? Yeah, talk. They're not gonna stop talking, even with me doing this. People don't talk about me too. People talked about me all my life. You think that's going to stop? No, ma'am, you cannot get caught up in that. You can't get caught up in that. You just have to be mindful. Stand strong in your voice. Stand strong in your voice, in who you are. Your story matters. Hold on.
Speaker 1:I know I'm on live, but see, I'm not cutting this out. I'm texting my guest Because she's on her way. You guys are going to Grow with me. If you decide to stick around, I would love for you to come on the show. I interview women and young girls, teens, but all things faith, all things female. That's what we do around here. All things faith, all things female. So if you're Down with that, stick around. If you're not, so yeah, I'm going to Play something for you guys, and after that, I Will let you, I will let you, I will introduce you to my guest. Is that alright? Alright, and of course, it's the wrong clip. Lord help, where is the music? Let me try this one. Okay, this might be the right one.
Speaker 1:Listen, I have a tip for you. So my plan is to showcase tips. My plan is to showcase tips for you based on my voice framework, because, if I didn't tell you, I am a book writing coach, a storytelling strategist, and I do help women write and develop their stories and properly position themselves in the marketplace. So my voice framework will help you. Each episode, I'm going to drop a tip for you. So I'm going to drop a tip in the next few minutes and then, after that, I'm going to introduce my guests and then we're going to drop a tip for you. So I'm going to drop a tip in the next few minutes and then, after that, I'm going to introduce my guests and then we're going to have a conversation. So stick around. Soon as it pops up, soon as it stops processing, and there you go.
Speaker 2:Today's voice tip from Coach Tara's's voice framework is all about valuing your story. I want you to take a moment, maybe right after this episode, and write down three key moments that have shaped who you are today. These don't have to be dramatic or public moments. Maybe it was the day you decided to walk away from something that no longer served you, or the moment you surrendered your life to Jesus. Or maybe it was a quiet personal breakthrough during a hard season, when you realized you were stronger than you thought.
Speaker 2:For me, one of those key moments was when I finally forgave myself for not having it all together. I used to carry shame like a badge, thinking it made me more holy or humble, but God reminded me that freedom is found in his grace, not my perfection. That shift became a turning point in how I saw myself and how I began to tell my story. So today, think about your three moments, write them down and know this those moments are not just memories, they're ministry, ministry. They're the building blocks of your message, and someone out there is waiting for the wisdom that only your story carries all right now.
Speaker 1:There you go. I'm gonna say it just said joy, just said hello, hello, hello, hello. How you doing I am well, how about yourself, girl? Listen, I was just talking to them like this is episode one and you're gonna get all of it. You're gonna get whatever I got going on, because this is all obedience, this is a surrendering to what god said and it's going to organically become whatever it's going to become, and I'm going to authentically allow it to do that amen amen, amen, because better than perfect wow, I like that done is better than perfect.
Speaker 3:I think we do expect it to be perfect.
Speaker 1:It's so crazy because look what I'm about to do, trying to figure out which one, because I didn't like how close I was to the screen. Okay, now I can see your whole, your whole hookup okay, good to see. I knew you was about to be fab. So you guys. Joy is a amazing makeup artist and I just couldn't wait to see all the stuff you had going on today. Joy, how was your day?
Speaker 3:um, you know, it really wasn't bad, um, I can't, I really can't complain, I can't complain, it was, it was a good day good, good it was.
Speaker 1:I told you. I know, I know I shocked you because I said joy, I want you to come on and be my first guest. Joy was like huh, wait, what?
Speaker 3:it was a lot going on. It was a lot going on. I was like wait a minute, it was just a wave. Uh, wait, hold up, what is what is going on? I was like wait a minute, it was just a wave. Hold on what is going on.
Speaker 1:You know what prompted this and I'm sitting on my leg because I'm just a flower child what prompted this is when you did my makeup Saturday for sister talk and we were having a conversation and I was like wow, because you've come such a long way with the Lord and I know that you were in such a trying time where you had to surrender it all, especially when it came to your business, and I wanted you to come on and talk about that journey, because there are people right now. You got Department of Education closed and you got a lot of stuff happening in the world and they are fearful and it's like you've learned to hold on to the lord.
Speaker 1:You've learned even when you don't know what's happening next yeah he's giving you faith I mean not faith a grace, you know. So I want you to talk about that. Start with um, the place I used to come to.
Speaker 3:Okay, do it work.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so during the pandemic, the Lord blessed me with an opportunity to have my own suite, my own space to be able to do makeup, my freelance work as a makeup artist, and I was super excited. It was a wonderful, very warm space. Um, in particular, it was a blessing for my children, Um, so if I needed to bring them to work, especially my son, um, I could you know, with no problem, um, I'd be able to work there for hours and he would be okay. It would be a comfortable space. Fast forward about four years. This past November, I lost that space because I could not keep up with the payments and my business started to decline in regards to bookings and things like that, and I was devastated. I was so sad. I was just sad. There was just a heavy sadness. I initially thought that my business was over, but I felt like. I felt like something was being done to me. Do you know what I mean? Like I felt like.
Speaker 3:I felt like I, like I was being punished or I was either a being punished or shifted, but I didn't see it as a shift. I didn't see it as a shift. I felt like it was some sort of retaliation For what? Some sort of retaliation for you know, and I'll admit too, and I'll admit to this, that you know, I had in that season of my life, I was prayerless.
Speaker 1:Oh wait, joy Y'all. I knew it, I knew it, joy, we are not about to gloss over that. In that season of your life you were prayerless. Can we just talk about that?
Speaker 3:The more prayerless I was, the more attacks I received Because I wasn't dwelling in the secret place, because that's what he tells us to do, he that dwells in the secret place. I wasn't dwelling in the secret place via my prayers, and the the the more that I was prayerless, the more I received attacks. And I, in my mind, to be honest, I felt that because of my prayerlessness, I was being chastised in a sense. But looking now, that was that's, that's not the case, that that that just isn't the case. Um, I would receive either revelation or warnings, Like there were, there were times where I had dreams and prophetic dreams that this day was going to come. I just didn't want to be in prayer about how to feel about it. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:You didn't want to be in prayer about how to feel about it. So were you in denial. Was it a sense of denial?
Speaker 3:It was a sense of denial. It was a sense of denial. It was a sense of denial. It was a sense of I don't want to shift that way. So maybe even rebelliousness. You know, I don't want to go that way. I'm comfortable with this. How are you giving me this and then allowing it to be taken away from me? In my mind, right in my, in my way of thinking, in my way of thinking I want to stress that, in my way of thinking how can you bless me with something because he did give it to me, and then tell me no, I want, I want you to go this way. Um, and every person now I lost my suite in november, um, every person that's ever booked with me, followed me back where I started from, which is in my apartment. Everyone, everyone, everyone, you know, was like what's the address? You know, no one had a problem with coming to my space of where I lived and go ahead.
Speaker 1:You said nobody had a problem.
Speaker 3:I said, but you I was the only one that had a problem. Yeah, I was the only one that had a problem, because in my mind, business should look like this and this is how you know, this is how it should go, um, but when you are part of kingdom, that's you have to. You have to be submitted to the pathway of Christ. Um, because your way of thinking will get in the way of that, you'll. You'll have more battles than what you really need, girl, you know you'll take on more battles than you need. Um not shifting in the direction that got and trusting him. You know, um letting go and surrendering that control. Like. I think that I should do it this way, cause in my mind I'm like I should stay at my suite and I should have these hours, these times, this many bookings, when I say nothing worked nothing. Nothing would work, nothing. I you know it was awful, it was the worst warfare I had ever been through wow, wow.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like his grace, like he removed his grace from it, that he had moved from that space. He's not there yeah, I'm over here, I'm over here.
Speaker 3:Joy, come, come this way and I'm gonna be really transparent. I was frustrated with god. I was frustrated with god. I was frustrated with god because I was asking him for something in my mind that was very minimal. I was just asking for the bare minimum. God, I don't want to be, I don't want to be famous. I don't want to be wealthy. I don't, I don't want. I just want to be able to take care of my kids, go to church and serve at church. That's all I want to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I didn't say I want to be able to take my kids on vacation. I didn't say I want to go on vacation. I wasn't praying about a husband, a relationship. I wasn't praying about Lord. I just want to be able to work enough to take care of me and the kids and pay my bills, pay my bills on time, and I would be upset. I would say, god, why don't you hear me, why don't you give that to me? Why I don't understand, I don't understand why you won't give that to me. Um, I had a dream many dreams, of course and I was telling you about yeah, I deal with a lot of monitoring spirits. I deal with that a lot. I'm not fearful of them, but I do deal with them. And I had a dream that I was in a room with a beautiful camera and the camera was the most beautiful vision I had ever seen in the dream and my pastor. I love my past.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something about that white man now let me tell you something about the white.
Speaker 3:Okay, come on that pastor, that man is saved, that man is doing what God has called him to do. And he prayed for me. And when he prayed for me he said I want you to listen to the Holy Spirit. There's a new path that God is going to take. It's a new pathway and I knew that was the heart of God, because that was my dream. He didn't know. I dreamt that and I knew what he was saying. That and I knew what he was saying the heart of God. And then, when you called me um a couple days ago and then you left me that voice note in my dm, all of that came back to my um, my, my memory, um once I didn't even know that joy when I said that yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, like.
Speaker 3:And then when you said that I was sitting right here in my chair and I said you know, god, you're faithful. I went months without real with with a real prayer life because I was so distracted and I idolized my issues over communing with you.
Speaker 1:Girl, you probably need to run that back. Say that whole.
Speaker 3:I was so distracted and I idolized my issues over communing with God. My issues, all of my issues were more important than communing and cultivating my relationship with Christ.
Speaker 3:In my mind, that was more important, and I made an idol out of my situation, so much so that I couldn't even pray my god, and you would think that you could pray, because you're getting so heavy with all the issues I couldn't when I say, when I say you could feel like, um, you know, during, during another night time that's and see, that's why now, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm prayerful you know, yeah, now, yeah, but I could feel like a muscle being put on my mouth in the middle of the night.
Speaker 3:You know the enemy would attack me. The enemy was really during those months of I'm shifting you and my business going down. I mean it was a slow decline. I would sit in my suite and cry. I would just cry because I would be like but Lord, you gave me the you you gave what do you want me to do? Like I would be, like I don't know what you want me to do. And I was not. I was having more heart of gratitude. Gratitude was very helpful, but just thanking God for being faithful. And there was a lift, sort of a. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3:I do, I do oh, I can't explain it, but sort of a lift and and taking you refocus when you start with gratitude.
Speaker 1:You're not looking at your issues now, you're looking at him and what he's done for you. Now you're not looking at your issues Now, you're looking at him and what he's done for you. Now you're not looking at your lack, but you're looking at your surplus. Oh, wait a minute, I have this. Oh, my children are well, we do have a roof over our head. We aren't going hungry. We can still get to here. You start looking at what is working and not what isn't. And, yeah, that happiness does lift yeah, that happiness does live.
Speaker 3:I do understand. Yeah, um, and and after my pastor prayed for me. That's why you man listen, y'all can say what I want having a good pastor. I'm talking about a pastor that knows that he's called to the office of a pastor. Yeah, not because he needs a mic, not because his ego needs a mic or his pride needs a mic, but he is called to the office of a pastor after that prayer.
Speaker 3:My life has never been the same wow, I love that after he prayed for me, after he prayed for me and and it's not because he gave me a word, but he gave me the heart of christ he gave me what was on christ's heart, what was on his heart for me. Listen to the holy spirit, I'm shifting you in a new direction. And even though I personally, joy, did not like it, it gave me grace enough to trust him to say, okay, all right, well, I'm going in a new direction. So when I lost the suite, I was sad, but my life didn't fall apart. I didn't feel like my life was falling apart. I felt like, okay, okay, all right. I pretty much lost. I donated all of my furniture, like most of the furniture that I donated. I donated it. Yep, I don't, I don't want it. Everybody, I, I, everybody. I was like I, I posted it in my stories. Nobody, I couldn't even get money.
Speaker 1:No, okay, it was so late in her suite it was like an apartment.
Speaker 3:It was like an apartment, it was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I lost everything bless whoever has it, bless you yeah, they, they.
Speaker 3:You know it was cool. It's here, remember you were looking at it, yeah I got.
Speaker 1:I got oh yeah, that was that mirror.
Speaker 3:I was okay, yeah she like getting that mirror yeah, no, no, no, I was taking that mirror, yeah you can't have my mirror um, no, okay, my mirror, um, and I had just, I have just enough to do makeup, to do you know whatever, and um, it's a little more it's. It's a little. It's comfortable, but uncomfortable. People don't seem people, everyone seems to be okay you know, everyone sees, I've booked two weddings since I've been here. You know um, so I think if I could go back, what I would do differently is be more prayerful that's good don't abandon, don't abandon prayer, you know, don't abandon talking to Christ.
Speaker 3:And then, you know, now my prayers have shifted, you know, lord. Um, well, it's not about my problems. I know I have problems, and God knows that I have problems, but I pray the prayer that David prayed and he said you know, lord, created me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Those are my prayers, lord. I ask that you give me your wisdom. You said that, um, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. You said that, and that's what I want. That's what I want. I can do nothing without you. I need your help, I need your wisdom, I need your eyes, I need your ears, I need, I need you in every sense of the way you know.
Speaker 3:And so my prayers aren't Lord. So my life's about to get cut off. Can you help me? Like that's not a prayer. He know I'm about to be in the dark. If that's a prayer, right, like he knows that situation, right, he doesn't need that. He wants to know like what. I want to talk to you about what it is. I want you to do what it is. I want you to say, yeah, you know, I have work for you to do yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:or even to pray for other people, because you can be down and out and still lift up other people, like Job did. He prayed for his friends and he was going through, they was talking about him and everything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that, and after that prayer, my prayer became more about kingdom. You know why did you say you saved me? For a reason, yeah, I have work to do, you know. Um, so I'm just grateful to God that he, he, gave me a passage to kind of just point me in the right direction, even if it's just a prayer, you know, and I feel lighter when I pray. Now I feel less fearful, fearful less. I have more faith. I had a faith and then I had a faithless prayer life. You know, I had a oh, that's good.
Speaker 1:Come on, joy. Tell me what's a faithless prayer life?
Speaker 3:I already know what you mean. Why are you, why are you praying to me about what you need? Yeah, you're my child. I know you need that. Praying like I don't believe you know like you can do it. Why are you praying that?
Speaker 1:I said I thank you, lord, because it's already done thank you, lord.
Speaker 3:Thank you God. I thank you. I just thank you, lord, because it's already done. Thank you, lord. Thank you, lord. Thank you god. I thank you. I just thank you for today amen.
Speaker 1:Can we just thank you for today because it's real out here.
Speaker 3:So, lord, I thank you for today. You kept you, kept me and my children today. Amen, that part and everyone I love. You kept them today and I thank you, you, and I find that I have even. Does it make my problems go away? No, but I find that I can carry them a little bit better because I gave them to him. Come on, you know, come on, that's what it looks like that's what it looks like.
Speaker 1:How do you do it that?
Speaker 3:How do you?
Speaker 1:just give it to him. How do you like? How do?
Speaker 3:you do it, that you just give it to him. How do you, how do you let it go that that, and so you know, I just, you know god is, you know he's, he's just faithful, he's faithful, and um, so that's, that's what I've been doing. You know, my life is slow. I'm starting to see that it's it's shifting and I'm yes yes, I'm okay with it.
Speaker 3:You know, um, for me, photography is just a hobby, it's just something I do when I feel like it. Maybe you know like oh, yeah, you know sure, why not? You know what I mean. I'm like okay, I never would have thought of it as something that I could do. Guess what he said, though, but guess what my pastor said, tell me tell me he said.
Speaker 3:He said, you know, I'm shifting you, right, I want you to listen to the holy spirit I'm shifting. This shit will take you into your overflow. That's what he said. No overflow, that's what he said. And I was like, okay, all right, but I wasn't.
Speaker 3:I'm not concerned with the overflow, I'm concerned with how to steward, you know, making sure that I do the right things, considering him and acknowledging him so that he can direct my path. You know, um, and then I can, you know, because it's not enough to just get in the overflow. You have to steward it, you have to be prayerful, you have to be wise. You have those are the foundational tools that you need in order to operate in the kingdom, because the goal is for his name to be exalted, for his power to be exhausted, to be exalted. That's the goal. The goal is to draw the people to him and say this is our god. Yeah, this is who he is, this is who we serve, you know, ma'am, and that's what we're doing by you sharing your voice and overflow just to and overflow Just to.
Speaker 1:There are many Types of overflow, so overflow of peace, not just funds. Overflow of clarity, you know. Overflow of good friends and good health. And there's more to God Than just him giving us money and resources, because I have an overflow of joy, you do You're like clock that.
Speaker 3:No, you do, I do.
Speaker 1:I have an overflow. The joy of the Lord is my strength. So if I'm not joyful, I'm being attacked and I need some help because I mean, if I can't get out of it, it it's like because normally I am, but it's not me. The joy of the Lord is my strength, you know. So that's an overflow that I had and for a long time I did not have an overflow of money. I have a different situation now because I've learned to steward.
Speaker 1:A lot was taken from me and I had to learn how to navigate that place. First kicking and screaming like you were, then resting and understanding you're trying to do something in me, you're trying to teach me something, okay, okay. And then, not to be an ultimate consumer, I realized I was constantly spending, spending. Spending for what you ever think of joy, like what I don't need. That I think God teaches us slow down, you don't need that. You don't need to do that. You don't need to do. What do you need? How can? You don't need to? What do you need? How can you help someone else with what you have? Like it's not just about us, it's about paying it forward. You know. So that going through and paul said it was good that I was afflicted. You started to understand. Oh, I get it. If I wouldn't have went through that, I wouldn't have this wisdom. Thank you, lord.
Speaker 3:Thank you, lord, and then you, lord, I don't need 30 shades of red lipstick.
Speaker 1:Girl probably four Right.
Speaker 3:The dark one. I don't need that. I don't need that. You know, I don't need that. I don't need 30 shades or 10 or 5 shades of red lipstick. I don't, I don't need that. I don't care how much makeup I do, I don't care how much. You know, I don't need that. You know what I'm saying. And had I, had he placed me in overflow, then I would have ruined it yes, let me tell you something funny.
Speaker 1:I told the people already before you got on like what I used to do, because I used to. I used to make a lot of money, but it was illegal. It was illegal. No, I make good legal money now, so I love that. Because before, when I made a lot of money, before it was in that world, that underground world, but my mindset was so poverty.
Speaker 3:Like girl, I was balling out at rainbow before, before she became uh, rainbow, rainbow with me I'm saying I didn't have to.
Speaker 1:I could have went in the louis store, I could have went and got what? Seriously, I had thousands of dollars every day, but my mindset, I didn't't know. That's what I'm saying. God has to teach us. We have to learn here. We got to learn here. I had to grow up in so many ways. I had to know that I was worthy because I didn't even think I was worth. Okay, I got this, but I can't go in there. I didn't even have a good sense of self-worth, have a good sense of self-worth. So it's so many things he taught me to love myself that I was enough that now, if I well, I, if I want to, but I don't need. But then I didn't necessarily need, but I could have. I shouldn't have been living how I was living, the way I was living, then I didn't have to, but I didn't know I could do something different.
Speaker 1:here I mentioned I wasn't there so all those steps he took me through brought me to a place of self-worth and self-love and, depending on him and seeing the world through the correct lenses. I didn't have none of that.
Speaker 3:Right right.
Speaker 1:You went through all of that and I know you have a different view of yourself. I know you have a different view of people and how you handle money and yeah.
Speaker 3:so tell me about that, like how you evolved as a person, as a woman so one of one of my weaknesses, especially um before I got saved uh, I grew up in church so I, you know, I was churched, very much churched, very pentecostal churched um, that wasn't my, that's not my story.
Speaker 1:I was.
Speaker 3:I was very pentecostal, churched and the friends that I had in the world. Now that I am saved, I don't have not a single one. I have, no, and my weaknesses were friendships and relationships. Those are my weaknesses because I was a horrible people pleaser like, okay, god, awful people pleaser, because I I did not understand my own self, my own value, my own, my worth and being accepted, idolizing my need for acceptance because because let's talk about it, because our need, when we do, when we do things like that, it's, it's idolatry. That's why it doesn't work, because it's idolatry, it is against, it is against god, it's, it is against. You know, I was a people pleaser because your need to be accepted is greater than your need to be in relationship with christ. You're right, it is, it is.
Speaker 3:And so I had an idolatry issue with people pleasing amen, come on, um, and so those friends I don't have anymore. I don't have any more of even relationships. I don't attract the same type of man. I'm gonna be super honest. I don't attract no man. I get it. I don't attract no man. Ain't nobody, ain't nobody barking up my tree, ain't nobody trying to holler at me, and I'm pretty sure it's for a very divine reason. I'm absolutely sure those are my weaknesses and so learning to understand my value in Christ, my identity in Christ, my own pathway in Christ, I had to learn to be content with Christ alone, learn to be content with christ alone, and so he allowed the space for me to have one good, close friend that is also in christ, and then, after that, I started attracting friends like my closest friends, people that I talk to, people that I'm connected to, are saved, they are in the kingdom, that. That that is. That is it, everything.
Speaker 3:Everybody else is just outside yeah of that, for whatever reason, right, um, I have no friends that I can say that a friend that are saved. You know my lifestyle, my relationships are so much different. Because I needed deliverance in that, because, cause I had so many wounds I had I had abandonment wounds, I had like trauma wounds, like I had so many issues yeah, I didn't even. I didn't even. I was so bombarded. I know, when you and I first met, I was about I don't know 50 pounds smaller. I was about I don't know 50 pounds smaller and for that first year I you know I could I lost my appetite for an entire year. I didn't even eat. I went from a size 18 to a size 6 in a year's time and then, once God saved me and started healing me, I'm currently now back to my you look good, girl, you look good.
Speaker 3:My voluptuous 18. And what it looks like is me understanding that my relationship with Christ is priority. I'm not going to lie to you, that's an issue for me. With Christ is priority, I'm not going to lie to you, that's an issue for me. Um, that's an issue for me in regards to, uh, being consistent, um, and my prayer life and understanding the weight of the importance of being in relationship with Christ. It's teaching me that. It's teaching me how selfish I am. Yeah, um, um, shoot, how lazy I am. Yeah, it's showing me, me. It's showing me that, um, you know I need, need I, just I need him yeah every day of every hour and um, I really that's where I am like right now.
Speaker 3:I went from idolizing relationships and connections and being a people pleaser to now saying, lord, I need you, I I don't, yeah, I even I pray about raising, raising my children, raising a child on the spectrum, you know, um, raising a child with an autoimmune disease. I don't, look, I don't know how to love these kids. I don't know how't look, I don't know how to love these kids. I don't know how to love, I don't know how to love these funny looking kids. Listen, I love my children, but I just I don't. I mean, I don't know, you know, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I pray for them I pray for them, I pray how to love them. I pray that god gives me the wisdom to guide them to, to you know, disciple them, um, so that I can be an example, so that their yes is like my yes it's permanent, I'm not going nowhere. It's not perfect, but it's not going nowhere. My yes is yes, yes to your will, yes to your way, um, and yes, I'm going to make mistakes and yes, I'm going to fall, but I, I'm yes, I'm not going nowhere, because where are we gonna go?
Speaker 1:girl. We just saw that sarah day, look where are we going, like where are we going nowhere?
Speaker 3:it's nowhere to go. I'm not going outside where the dogs are, and I'm not, and I'm not going to hell my yes, is not perfect, but it's permanent.
Speaker 1:I like that so much.
Speaker 3:Yes my yes is not perfect, but my yes is permanent. I'm I'm loyal to, to him um and I thank god. I thank god that he saved me, I think, and I know him, I remember I just used to just know him as a keeper.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yes, you know god is a keeper and he is, but I know him as a healer, and not just, not just, you know, in my body, but God cares so much about our heart and our spirit girl talk about it he cares, he cares, he cares you better tell these daughters out here he cares about our heart like he wants to heal us he does and I can say both notice, listen, don't joy and tell them clock it yes um, I had an opportunity, I have opportunity, I'm in that opportunity.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna have a client, a client of mine, shout out, shout out to my client, a client of mine. She came this, shout out to my client, a client of mine. She came this is, this is like in December Okay, get our makeup done. And I was in a really low place in regards to my finances and, um, she was. She happened to ask me you know, how are you? And I was like I'm great. And I was like I'm great.
Speaker 3:She said how are you? And I said so, I felt led to tell her what was really going on. And she said, oh, my goodness. She said, well, you know, my partner and I, we own this company where we, you know, have monitors for children and their parents for parenting time with, with the County, with the city. Um, you know, we'll love to have you part-time. I said yeah, sure, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, right, and so I went um and the first day, the first day, was I was like wait a minute.
Speaker 3:Um, there's a gentleman, um, he, wait a minute.
Speaker 3:There's a gentleman, he, they have two children, him and the ex, they have two children, and he's psycho, he's crazy. He attempted, pretty much attempted, to murder him and the her and his own children, right, and he still allowed parenting time, sick, and he was given a hard time. The children couldn't stand him and the mother is deathly afraid of him and he had asked an inappropriate question. That wasn't allowed. And the monitor, she was showing me how things go and she was saying hey, mr So-and-so, mr Ski Bubbles, listen, you can't ask that question. And he pulled his chair back super slowly and he said I'll do what I want, when I want and how I want. Now this man attempted to blow up. He blew up the baby mama car, house caught on fire, then went to the baby mama house and blew up that car, that house and the neighbor's house caught on fire and he got third degree burns and all burnt up. And he's saying he do what he want when he want. I believe him, I believe them too, and so when he left, the children were very uncomfortable.
Speaker 3:The children can't stand him and I was able it was my job to, you know, take the children down. And I felt so much compassion for the children because they know that their father is a sicko Right and the mother does too. And, um, you know, I shook her hand and, uh, I wanted to. I wanted so bad to say can I pray for you? But you know people. But I shook her hand and in my heart I was saying, lord, cover her. I said be safe, be careful. And she said I will. And she looked like she wanted to hug me and all that.
Speaker 3:And I went upstairs and I sat and I was in deep thought while they were doing their thing and I said what's crazy is, there was a time in my life where not only where I was the children, my brother and I, because I grew up in the foster care system, I was the children and I was the mother. And three, four years ago, I would have been triggered, I would have been upset, I would have been crying, but I felt compassion and I got in my car and I knew then that God had healed me because I had no triggering emotion but compassion. And that's when I knew God to be a healer. Yes, I knew God to be a healer. I was the wife that was running from her narcissistic husband who tried to kill her twice. He tried to kill me twice and tried to kill me twice.
Speaker 3:And I was the child that grew up with a narcissistic father and needed supervised visits and my mother was halfway crazy, needed supervised visits and my mother was halfway crazy and and I knew then that god had healed me from every man, from every wound, my god, that the enemy placed upon me every single trauma. I, I had nothing but compassion, nothing but compassion. So god wants to not just he doesn't just want us to help others, and that's great yeah but he wants to heal us.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he wants to heal us. I want to heal you, you know, even if it was from decisions that I made. You know, I knew, when I came in contact with my ex-husband, I knew I was young and stupid, I was broken, but he, I knew I was stupid. I was stupid, you know. I knew I wasn't supposed to, but I didn't have the strength to say no, my need.
Speaker 1:Here we go again.
Speaker 3:My need to be loved and accepted at any cost was greater than my need to be safe and valued. Ooh.
Speaker 1:Jesus, ooh, I can't even move yet.
Speaker 3:My need. Come on Joy. Come on joy to be loved and accepted at any cost, at any cost was greater than my need to be safe and sound and in my right mind you know, like that's. That's where I was.
Speaker 1:I was there before and tons of women watching you right now was there, probably is there now. They're probably in it, so you gotta speak to that. Help them get out of that joy number one.
Speaker 3:You have to recognize that at some point it's no longer them, it's you, it's you. He just won't treat me right and he just want this and he just want that. Well, I mean what you want to do. You let him.
Speaker 3:Your need to love yourself must be greater than his need to love you. It has to be my god, it has to be, and your identity needs to be in christ and christ alone. So you gotta be okay with either being single and in christ, or with some fool or with the enemy. You got to choose one. Jesus, you have to be content in Christ. It cannot be over what God has for you, his obedience, what he's called you to do. You have to be content with that. Yes, he wants us to be happy and in love, and for some of us, some of us, you have to accept content with that. Yes, he wants us to be happy and in love, and he and for some of us, some of us, you have to accept. You may be single, you you may. You may be single, but you better be okay with it, because if you don't, the enemy is going to run you ragged with it.
Speaker 3:You know, yeah, and I, I find myself, oh, I find myself in crazy relationships. I know my last relationship, my last relationship, my last serious relationship, my last serious relationship was really. It was really terrible. Let's just say, you know, like I said he was, he was, you know, addicted to drugs horribly. He's tried to commit suicide in front of me. Oh joy, yeah, yeah and get this, get this. I loved him.
Speaker 1:Did you love who you met, or like what did you love? Was he always that guy or did he show you that later? Did you see red flags in the beginning, like what were you loving?
Speaker 3:He never mistreated me. Okay, he never mistreated me. He wasn't abusive, he didn't cheat on me. You know he didn't talk to me crazy.
Speaker 1:Okay, it sounds like checks. It sounds like green flags, so when did the red flags start, girl?
Speaker 3:I'm going to tell you this Okay, he caught my eye first, okay, and, and he caught my eye first, okay, and this is before I was saved, this is before I got saved, and something in me said leave him alone oh really leave him alone.
Speaker 3:I was like I mean, what's? I mean, what's the worst that could happen? I was like girl why you know and I indirectly pursued him Right and then he ended up falling for me. He became obsessed with me in a way and to this day we've been not together for four years he finds a way to try to contact me. I have to keep him blocked and things like that. He finds creating pages and all that kind of stuff, not creating pages.
Speaker 3:Yeah, poor guy, nice guy. Was it the drugs? Like what? Yeah, nice, but he the the drugs. I became consumed with his problems were you trying to fix him?
Speaker 3:no no, okay, okay no, I had to make a decision that he's not gonna change like. This is, this is his life, this is what it is. So what was I gonna do? You know he would. He would relapse, he would try to commit suicide, he would steal from me, he was still from people. He, he was. It was really bad. He would be in the. He would be in the nut house. It was, it was. It was really bad. It was really bad. He would be in the nut house. It was really bad. It was really really bad, really really bad.
Speaker 1:So many? Because you'll have, on the one hand, someone saying, okay, that's a sickness, you know you love them through it, you help them through it. And someone else is like run, you know you got women, that's like, I'm just gonna help them through it, I don't care if I'm slipping and losing myself, I'm just gonna stick it out.
Speaker 3:I was withering away. Yeah, I was withering away. The joy that I am now was not the joy that I was then. I was withering away, I was withering away and, um, I made the decision to I was withering away, I was withering away and I made the decision to say I can't do it anymore. That's when God began to. He was starting to draw me, he was starting to draw me and I started to deal with my own issues. There's a time where I'm going to be super transparent and I was going to make a mistake that my mother had made with me and my brother. I was going to give up my children. Where are you? I came maybe this close.
Speaker 1:Look at the generational patterns. I thank god for stopping you.
Speaker 3:You know who you know who you know who prayed for me april let's show her april. We love you, april I love me, I love good people. Yeah, I love a I love good people. Yeah, I love her. She prayed for me. She prayed for me. She was like don't do this. And I said, oh my God, I was literally going to drop my kids off at CPS because that was done to me.
Speaker 1:I know. But let me tell you something, joy. Whether you realize it or not, there was something inside of you that didn't, and you wanted somebody to stop you because you would not have told her. If you didn't want to stop me, please because you could have just done it without saying a word for you to confess that meaning help me because I don't know how to help me. Stop me because I don't know how to help me. Stop me because I don't know how to stop me. Thank God for praying friends, not just praying friends, but believers who are in Christ.
Speaker 3:And when you were saying that during your event. I need friends that can listen.
Speaker 1:I mean that 100%. They say, well, I got friends that do. I don't care what kind of friends you got In my inner circle. You got to be in Christ and you got to be somebody who can intercede for me because I'm going to intercede for you. Can he hear you? Do he hear your prayers? You come on. That's what I need around me. I have too too much happening around me, too many attacks coming. My call is too great. I cannot just have anybody in my inner circle. I'm sorry, I love you, love you how you doing, but that's we can't. You can't come this close. So I love April, I'm so grateful you have her and she is true blue. And if y'all looking for an attorney who can do your trademark cause she did that, cause I had her card, I will put it up. I will put it up.
Speaker 3:Yes, she's a wonderful friend, she's a wonderful sister in christ and she prayed me through that moment and I was going to give up. I remember my mother gave me up, me and my brother up, dropped us off and left us there and I was like I'm going to do this, I I because I couldn't handle the pressures of being a single mom. You know, I mean I was single, single.
Speaker 3:Another show the pressures of being a single mom and why you need, why you need crying, why he has to be like what am I doing? I can't, I can't do it alone, I can't and I don't even try no more. I be like so, god, what do I do? Yes, ma'am don't you?
Speaker 1:what do I do, holy Spirit? What do I? Oh, thank you, holy Spirit. You looking for something? Oh, thank you, holy Spirit. You have a whole vision of where it's at. Oh, thank you, holy Spirit. I'm all day just walking with them, all day.
Speaker 3:That is my life, every day oh my God, do the same thing you're doing too much.
Speaker 1:They say I just do too much no, this is my no.
Speaker 3:This is my no, no, no, no, no. But god has been good and I know god is a keeper and a healer.
Speaker 1:Yes, man you know so I love that. I love what he's done in your life, I love who you're becoming and that you're learning to lean on him and yield to him and relinquish the outcome to him, because that's what I see you're doing now. That's what I see you're doing now.
Speaker 3:Oh man, I'm so I'm happy that you see it and I'm definitely trying. I'm definitely trying and I thank.
Speaker 1:God for his grace, and I thank God for his grace.
Speaker 3:Amen. I thank God for his grace. He's giving me some grace.
Speaker 1:Like, okay, all right.
Speaker 3:All right, all right, all right.
Speaker 1:You are a special, wonderful woman, Joy you are I appreciate it, thank you. Joy for you. You haven't seen anything yet. Like I told you what he says to me concerning you, there's a part that I have to play in that and that's why I reached out to you the way I did and said what I said. We were divinely connected. There's a reason I am grateful. You are so great.
Speaker 3:See, you're going to mess, gonna mess around, be photographer and emcee you know, don't do that, don't don't do that. You can't do both.
Speaker 1:No joy is a phenomenal photographer and videographer. She has an eye that you don't. I can't even explain her eye, but when she's, she's in a service worship service, yeah, any type of service where we are giving glory to god, we're speaking, and she captured moments as if you can feel them through the photo. That's the the eye that she has, and everyone doesn't have that. So if you need somebody to capture some photos for your worship service, this is who you call. If you're having an intimate gathering, jam session, whatever, this is who you call. She is good, I'm not kidding. What's your Instagram?
Speaker 3:call. She is good, I'm not kidding. What's your? What's your instagram? My instagram is j dot r e m u s m u a. Did you, did you? Uh, bring it up, is that right?
Speaker 1:I'm about to do it right now. I'm about to do it right now. That's a shame. Listen, no girl, that's a shame. I don't really remember you do. And is that an Instagram? Yes, that's it. That's it. Listen, you guys follow her. You want your makeup done? Follow her. Well, she probably got it because, I don't know, everybody can't come to her house, but she probably can come to to you. But follow her for your worship service, check her out. She's so good at what she does.
Speaker 3:I promise you you will not be disappointed aww, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Oh no, you're welcome. Thank you so much. And shout out to my church. Shout out to my church. Shout out to my church, shout out to my church presence, church man out in romulus, they are amazing. Shout out to them, um, they pushed me out there to do it. They, they pushed me, they, they assist in cultivating my gift. They like, hey, you know, do, do this, do that, reminding me to let the holy spirit lead me on when to move, where to go, what direction to go in. Shout out to my church for their prayers and their support. They support me in the best way that they can and that they know how, um, they are a, a spirit-led ministry. I God for that, and that's saying a lot because, you know, I grew up in church, so I've seen a lot and they are a ministry where his presence truly is Amen. So I thank God for presence, you know, and their name is Presence, yeah, presence.
Speaker 3:Church Yep, yep. Presence Church Yep, they are awesome, yeah, yeah, every Presence Church Yep, they are awesome, yeah, again every time.
Speaker 1:Is that the slogan Presence Church, presence Church.
Speaker 3:We love his presence and we love his people. Oh man, I love that so much. I love Presence Church. They are awesome. I love my church family yeah. That's important especially today, because you can hardly find folks, that's, you know, not walking in pride and foolishness, yeah, and divination and idolatry and all kind of craziness.
Speaker 1:That's a whole, not the episode, because it's rampant and you know we can talk about it, but we're not going to talk about it tonight. It is rampant, you know what? But to God be the glory, because he will let you get so far and he like come on back here, I'll let you see. He, let us see what's going on. He did and I thank.
Speaker 3:God, he didn't have to. I'll let you see he, let us see what's going on. He did, he did, he did, and I think he didn't have to. He didn't have to. He could have let us just go on, but he didn't. He saw fit to say hey, here's what you see. And you, it's up to you to make the decision, to repent and to turn. Come on, how come you let me? I didn't let you do nothing. I gave you a free will, I gave you the tools, I gave you the vision. Now it's up to you to make the decision. Yes, how come you let me? We be blaming god for every? It's so crazy. Something is wrong with us. Why does god? Why do you love us? Why do you love us?
Speaker 1:so much.
Speaker 3:Why? Because we are crazy Girl. Something is really wrong with us.
Speaker 1:That'll get you on your knees literally, laying prostrate, actually, because you know you're not worthy. So it's just like Lord, thank you.
Speaker 3:Yes, thank you for loving me, thank you for forgiving me.
Speaker 1:Thank you for just saving me. You didn't have to do any of that. You don't have to forgive me every day, because we fail every day, every day, whether we think it's something wrong. Our thoughts are just as powerful as our words, because they will manifest into words and actions. They will. You will have some behavior behind them. Thoughts. Thoughts are very important. They're powerful. So we have the thoughts for getting the calves down.
Speaker 1:Every imagination, everyone that's a lot every. Okay, I gotta be like. Let me tell you what I learned. If I say anything about anybody, god has shown me, me I don't care what it is God they did. Oh, let me show you what you did. That's my how he deal with me, so I'm very careful.
Speaker 3:He shows me most through my kids, through my children. My daughter is extremely introverted and I'm extroverted, yeah, and. And so I become hurt because I want to be connected to her. And it's not, it's not a personal thing, it's just part of her personality. And I'm like dang, casey, you and she only talks to me when she wants to. She wants something to eat, she wants some money, she wants some. You know typical teenage, you know I can't get all excited about food and all that kind of stuff. I'm like dang, you know, casey, why you always do that. You don't never talk to me about you, just ask me for stuff. And the holy spirit said but you do the same thing to christ, you do the same thing to our father, my god, don't you do the same thing to me? Oh, all of a sudden you got so much strength to pray when you need or want something all of a sudden, but you won't even crack open your bible for 10-15 minutes so I can talk to you.
Speaker 3:Jesus my son who's on the spectrum. He was in his room and I called him and I knew he heard me and I was about to trip boy, did I tell you such and such? And the holy spirit say you do the same thing to me, you hear me and you completely ignore me. Stand there and wait for him to come, because he did hear you.
Speaker 3:Give him grace I just love you, lord I just love god, I just love the holy, yeah, yeah, you got the holy ghost. Let the holy ghost tell you about yourself. You do the same thing to me. You hear me calling you and you move when you get ready. So guess what? Wait, wait for him, because I know, yeah, you know he hurt, he's gonna come this way thank you, lord, help us lord, help us, help us, help us lord.
Speaker 3:So yeah, that's it, yeah, every day, every day. I love, I love, I love. He's showing me how to, how to love him by doing what he says.
Speaker 1:That's good. You got a lot of good Adlibs here. I'm going to have to run that back so I can remember Right now Obedience Leads to a greater Level of love. That's what I got from that.
Speaker 3:Yes, that's what.
Speaker 1:I got Not that. Yes, yeah, that's what I got. Yes.
Speaker 3:Yes, not just saying, oh, I love the Lord, but you don't do what I say. I don't do what I say.
Speaker 1:Well we're going to do whatever we do, though, you do know we're going to get the fruit of whatever we do, yeah for sure, for sure. Better and different. I loved it. This was great. This was great. So any last words for the people about surrender surrender.
Speaker 3:Don't fear surrender, embrace surrender. Don't fear surrender. Embrace surrender. Don't fear it um, embrace it, um. Surrendering is better than taking control. You know you can't handle it anyway. You can't handle the control, but you can handle the surrender that's good yeah you can take the surrender, you can't handle the control. You can't do it on your own. You know surrender with grace, surrender with peace, knowing that your surrendering is in him. You know, not your will but his will, but you know, amen his will.
Speaker 3:Yeah, let his will be done and the safest place to be is in the will of god it is. It is the safest place to be the safest place to be is in the will of god. What is the will of god? His?
Speaker 1:the obedience to his word and to his way amen, and we know that because we've been out of his will and man man. Fruit of that, I'm saying we can only like, I agree with you because I and I can only agree because I know what it's like to be out of his will. So, yeah, it's the first day when we're with him and yeah, I can't imagine now I can't imagine now, I can't imagine.
Speaker 3:I don't even know how I made it.
Speaker 1:Grace, because we don't deserve it. I mean, let's just be real clear, don't deserve it.
Speaker 3:No, no Grace.
Speaker 1:I know, I know. Grace and mercy, grace and mercy. Thank you, lord, for grace and mercy. Wow, hallelujah. Yes, god is good here. Y'all surrender. We surrender our jobs, we surrender relationships, we surrender ourselves, our plans, our will for his will. That's what we do. We surrender because he knows and even our gifts. Our gifts and talents, our gifts and talents you can operate.
Speaker 3:You can't. Your gifts and talents can only carry you so far girl.
Speaker 1:I'll be like you know, I'll be laughing all day anyway, you just wait what? Oh, okay oh, I just love him. Thank you, lord yes, god is good, he's a and it's an intimate place, girl, that we can go to in him. That is so sweet and so loving, like he's Like it's an intimate you know that places and it's like when we can't explain these places, so you gotta experience them Right. Like sometimes we can't explain him, but we invite you to experience Him.
Speaker 3:That's it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's it being more concerned Not with the place but with the experience. Man that is so profound, man that is so profound. We should be more concerned With how we experience him.
Speaker 1:Every moment of the day. I understand now when in Genesis, it says that Adam, like he, walked With God, like they walked with God, and I'm like I get that Because we walk with him. Well, let me speak for myself, because I don't know what everybody's doing, but I walk with him throughout the day.
Speaker 1:I can. I'm talking to him from the moment I wake to when I'm sleeping in the middle of the night. You know you wake up. Even if you wake up, go to the bathroom. You thank you, lord, thank you for you. You, just you always grateful, and it's always a. I is. I cannot even explain. God has done so much for me. Joy, I can't. Nothing matters above him.
Speaker 3:I love people. I love people, love my family. Not above him, though.
Speaker 1:Not above him. I started this off talking about when he told me to close my salon, and I love my salon Like how you loved your salon that was the end. There was nothing else. There was no plan B. I was the one in hair. There was nothing else. There was no plan b. I was the one in hair school. Like there's no plan b, another job. What are you talking about you? Better double down on this one. That was me.
Speaker 1:No, seriously, there were people, yeah I'm like oh no, you better put everything in and just get clients. No, no other job. I saw nothing else. So to say close your salon with no extra information. I was like, oh, that was scary, lord, and I kept asking what do I? What's got to happen? Silence, but see, seriously. But by this time I had been walking with him. See, this was 2017, early 2017. I had just got my own salon. I hadn't even had it that long for you to say close it. It was my own. I had been working at different suites, now I got my own. Are you saying close it? No, this is where I'm trying to go, this is I'm trying to be here. Yeah, yeah, let me make money, be a yeah, yeah To say I know that you know me, you created me, you saved me.
Speaker 1:I didn't call you, I wasn't even looking for you. You called me, you told me who I was, you told me who you were and you forgave me. You put me on this trajectory, not me. So I know enough to trust you. I didn't know everything. I still don't know everything, but I knew enough to trust him. So I let go of what I knew, I let go of my moneymaker, I let go of my comfort. You know this is my career.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Go to the unknown Abraham.
Speaker 1:Go to a place of which I'll show you. I didn't know, and it didn't come until later, later. So that's surrender, everything we do. And we don't stop there. We're constantly surrendering, every day because it's going to be something else. He present and you have a choice Yay or nay, or I don't know. Lord, it ain't looking so good, but you still go, because he knows the plans, he knows what's best. That time was over. You said something earlier. You said you gave it to me. You gave it to me. I said that to him too. You gave me this gift, you gave me the salon. You did this, but the time for it was over. It needed, it did what it needed to do. You learned what you needed to learn Joy from that place. You got the lessons. Now he like take them, lessons, lessons. I got another assignment for you. We're on assignment here. Let's never forget. We must wear this world as a loose garment and the assignments can shift, they can and I think I did not.
Speaker 3:I knew that, but I had not accepted that, because knowing is knowing right like, okay, yeah, I know, but acceptance is a whole different mindset. You know, acceptance allows you to be able to surrender better. I like that. You know, when you accept something like, oh okay, all right, and you may not even still like it, but acceptance allows you to surrender better.
Speaker 1:Oh, I like that. We're going to make some graphics. Acceptance allows you to surrender better. I like that so much.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, acceptance allows you to surrender better, and I hadn't, because I'm like well, what am I gonna do? Don't worry about that, just do what I said. What you're gonna do is do what I told you to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm gonna share maybe I'll share next week what God taught me about delay and the spirit. Yeah, he taught me a lot. He's taught me delay in the spirit. Yeah, he taught me a lot. He's taught me a lot since he called me in 2010 and then filled me with his Holy Spirit 2013. But over the last two years, then in 2017, I had dreams every single day. I had encounters, spiritual encounters.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:Some people cannot tell me. I don't, I don't care what you say there, I literally nobody God, you, this, jesus, whatever they say it, it doesn't matter to me. He's shown me who he was, I know who he is and I know who I am. So there's some things that just don't really. It's like amen, I love you. I love you.
Speaker 1:I love you because sometimes people don't know what they don't know, and I understand that and I have compassion for that and sometimes people think they know so much that they just have to you know what I'm saying you know so much that you got so much to say about somebody else.
Speaker 1:You only know what you know, peter and Paul. I'm just saying you only know what you know, peter and Paul. I'm just saying you only know what you know. God is still speaking. He's putting them on their path and they have people to reach For his kingdom, their assignments, in their lane. So we love on people, we love on people and we pray for people. That's what we do on people, we love on people and we pray for people.
Speaker 3:That's what we do. Yes, because that's how we Well, that's what he does. That's what he does. I mean, if you read through scripture, jesus Solved people's problems First. He did not preach the word of his father. He solved people's problems because he loved them. He loved them, yeah, and he knew you can't hear me if I don't show you that I love you oh, that's a whole nother.
Speaker 1:See, look at where we at. I can't tell me I enjoy it, because I'm not thinking about the hierarchy of needs and how people have a real need. And you trying to preach, they can't hear you. They need some food. They cold. You talking about what? Can you get me a sandwich?
Speaker 3:You know where your soul is gonna be Right. Excuse me, I'm hungry. Excuse me, I'm hungry, I don't. I cannot hear any of that. That's not how. That's not how. That's not it. You know, um, I have clients who are not saved, you know, and our conversations are different, you know, and I'm careful about not saying well, you know, the Holy Ghost said ma'am, I'm here to get my makeup done. One thing about the Holy Spirit he will give you wisdom. Come on, wisdom, wisdom and how to move and how to talk to people and draw people in love. You know, yes, you know, and ask them and be wise and be respectful, and people will hear you, because then it'll always sit with them that you are bearing fruit of love. That is what he has called us to do Be kind, be kind, be mindful, loving kindness.
Speaker 1:What did he say, Joy?
Speaker 3:With love and kindness he draws. That is how he gets us, with love and kindness. How did he draw you? With love and kindness?
Speaker 1:Joy. That's what I said to you guys. I was loving women, loving men, high everyday, selling my body. People wouldn't A Christian would have probably been like she's. She's not being. There's no hope for her. She's going to hell who said that. Who would? I'm just saying how you, just how people? Yeah, he called me himself. He called me himself and even with the call I had, I had an opportunity to say no, I didn't. I still didn't have to run to him, but one thing, I know, god knows his people.
Speaker 1:I was always his people. I just didn't know it. Yet he revealed himself to me. He revealed who I was. I was always his person. Abraham was always his person. He revealed himself to abraham he revealed himself to paul even though they were in stuff.
Speaker 1:He was allowing them to build a testimony. They got one and they got. Let me tell you something. It might, oh goodness, I uh, some of y'all may be like what are you talking about? One day I was praying. I said, lord, let Lord Abraham get that level of Faith because you talking about. Okay, he didn't left his place and he didn't went here, okay, and now he's giving up his baby, the baby he didn't pray for. Based On what? Because you said so. How do he know to trust you? Because I'm walking with you. I know it has to be built. We have to have experiences With God. He said book a jasher.
Speaker 1:I never heard that, nowhere I had to go look it up and it showed me the history of Abraham and how he built his faith. You hear me?
Speaker 1:of my God, because I asked how. It didn't make sense to me. It don't make sense how somebody just doing this and giving a child up for what they don't know you, why would he do that? You don't just do that, you got to build relationships. So why is he doing that, lord? Because one thing my pastor taught us is to ask questions. Ask questions of the scripture, ask questions.
Speaker 1:I'm reading this like this doesn't. Why is he doing this? Why did he do that, lord? Why did he do it? Because I don't understand what. Where did his faith come from? And he said book of jasha and what that's it. That's all he said.
Speaker 1:I went looking it up and I read like, omg, it shows how he built his faith. So there are other books out there that may not be canon, but there are books out there to help us understand the canon and, along with the Holy Spirit, now, don't lean on your own understanding. It helped me understand because I didn't get it. I said nobody doing that, lord, because you got to have. We're not even doing it. You're not leaving a place unless you show me something. Who are you? What have you done? Like if he didn't do that to me in my bedroom.
Speaker 1:I had a whole experience with him supernatural, where I didn't even believe in supernatural. He's giving me tongues, speaking other languages, what I didn't even think that existed. Him changing my mindset, where I'm like, didn't even know I could, I'm living, let live, do you? You know you only live once. I don't think like that anymore. You know what I'm saying. God is real. Jesus is real. He is so real. But people build faith. He takes us from faith to faith. So Abraham didn't just come out like here's my child, he didn't just know to do that. You have to build up faith. So in your walk you build up up faith. That's why you don't stop, because things are hard. Keep going and build your faith. He's gonna turn it. Don't give up before he turn it.
Speaker 3:Keep going amen, and that's why the enemy is always after our faith. Come on right. He's always after our faith. That's why because, while he's trying to build our faith, the enemy is trying to yeah, break it down, dismantle it yes with lies and, yeah, deception and distraction and all sorts of things. That's why Because without faith it is impossible to please him.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 3:It is.
Speaker 1:You said something earlier because out of the abundance the heart, out of the abundance of the mouth, the heart speaks Right, or one of the other buttons that I heard the mouth speaks. Ok, let me correct myself. So we have to guard our heart. So all of them cares of the world. You you were talking about. You have so much on you that you couldn't even pray. Your heart wasn't guarded. Everything was the issues of the world, everything was on your heart and it kept you just so far away from him. And that's what the enemy wants. He wanted so boggled down that we're so far away from right now. We think god don't care.
Speaker 3:yeah, he hasn't left like god, you don't see me, you got these kids. Just girl, just foolishness.
Speaker 1:But if it's impossible to please him without faith. Oh, I'm going into my next week, she's okay we don't stop y'all, we don't stop.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna ask joy to close us out in prayer. I want you guys to remember to live love and be authentic, because after prayer I'm just closing it out because I don't want to touch that space. That is holy ground. I want to mess with it, ok, so just remember to live love and be authentic. Tune in next week for episode two. Thank you for tuning in with us, rocking with us. Week for episode two. Thank you for tuning in with us, rocking with us. And I hope you, if you haven't learn to surrender and then surrender again and then surrender again. It's our life. We give him a life of yes, continually yes.
Speaker 3:That's our life. Amen.
Speaker 1:No sense in fussing, and this is our life, that's it Amen.
Speaker 3:Amen no sense in fussing, and this is our life. That's it, Amen, Amen. Well, I really want to thank you for just giving me a space and opportunity to kind of share a little bit about what God is doing and what he's done, and, um, I don't often get a chance to do a whole lot, but I'm really thankful for um, our friendship, um and our sisterhood and and Christ being the foundation you know, of that and I'm just so grateful and I thank God for you, tara.
Speaker 3:I thank God for you, girl, um, and I'm and I'm looking forward to what God is going to do in the future.
Speaker 1:Amen, I'm glad he got some good, strong prayer words and women of God around me. I tell you that I'm not. I tell people I got a good circle I do not have. I have solid people around me so community is so important.
Speaker 3:Community is so important in your. I got a good circle. I do not have. I have solid people around me, so community is so important. Community is so important in your walk it is it's like like the top five Amen, Amen.
Speaker 1:It is community.
Speaker 3:Um, yeah, he did, he did. I'm realizing that and I said, okay, God, you smart, you smart, you smart guys, you smart, you smart you know, I found you on Instagram, the same Instagram.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you guys to go follow her. That's how I met her to do my makeup for a branding photo shoot.
Speaker 3:You sure did. And do you know? I was like dang. I don't remember how me and Tara met and that's how I was like really like stuck Like man. I was like really like stuck like man. How did me and Tara?
Speaker 1:I had my blonde locks and my hair was shaved on the side and you did my, you did my. Look, I gotta do my hair. Look, I'm getting distracted. Oh, my goodness, and I don't know. We just been cool ever since. We had great conversations and just always. Yeah, you haven't, you've been the same, you know, we just been been us in Christ in Christ and we're not the same people.
Speaker 3:Not one person around me.
Speaker 1:The same people did. You see my group, but we're not the same people. Not one person around me. The same people did you see, we're not.
Speaker 3:I mean we're the same, but we're not the same people we were then than we are now oh girl girl, we've changed in a good way, yes, we've brought, we've grown in Christ since then. Oh man, tara, you for remembering, because I'm doing this too.
Speaker 1:I had my red. Oh man, tara, it's down to you for remembering, because I forgot. I'm doing this too. I should have.
Speaker 3:I had my reds, but I forgot. And we are not those two. We are not the same people we were when we met.
Speaker 1:We both was kind of in some broken stuff we both had. All we was talking about was narcissism.
Speaker 3:That's all we were talking about.
Speaker 1:We talked a lot about that because it was like what, what? What? We're not going to do this. No, no, no, no, no, y'all Y'all better hope this make the cut. I don't cut it. No, we're not going to do this. No, no, no, no, no. Y'all better hope this make the cut. I don't cut it, no, you're not gonna do this.
Speaker 3:We really. It was like, I think once, once you saw that I, I knew where you were coming from. It is, let me tell you, it is something about someone connecting with what you're going through, because somehow you realize I'm not crazy, what I'm feeling is real. Somebody else understands it, that's all people and it's such an essential part of healing the validation of I'm not crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because a lot of people would say you are, a lot of people would tell you that that's not enough for you to choose yourself. You know that's not enough for all the things when you know your experience is valid and real. So to talk to someone who understood was a breath of fresh air Literally, it really was. It was like being super cold and getting a heated blanket. You know what I mean. Like, what, like you get it. I'm not losing my mind. I've been gaslit so long. I don't even know what day it is, what's happening, what, what? It was real. I'm serious, man, you, somebody telling you no, no, whatever you're saying is wrong. Like, whatever you saw is wrong, whatever you're saying is wrong. You're like um, it is the weirdest dynamic, but I thank god for healing and deliverance. Oh, hallelujah. I thank him because I am not in that place at all, me either.
Speaker 3:I'm not the same joy. I'm not the same joy I was when you and I first met. I know what I said, and and you're not the same, tara no, ma'am in such a short amount of time I did that.
Speaker 1:God, talk about a quick work.
Speaker 3:Come on, jesus, he did that he really did, man, god is somebody. You can't make me down, because I know what too much about him. I don't even know that song or saying, but I'm telling you but I know very kind of possible, like, yes, I know you can't make me down.
Speaker 1:I'm still learning, but I know what I know. I've been in my church since 2013,. But then I went to another church.
Speaker 3:Um, for like, oh wow, so like, so, like you're really like new, new, new.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 2010 is when God called me. I was oh yeah, that's right, that's right, that's right, right I was inactive, like I was asking y'all I'm like y'all have church people that don't go to church sometimes to be inactive. That's how I was. It was my belief, but I was inactive. I wasn't going to nobody's church because I thought all the demons was in there. I wasn't listening to nobody gospel music, I was not. I'll talk about jehovah's witness on another episode. But yeah, he got me together, god got me together wow, wow I love him, I love him, I love him.
Speaker 1:I know that song. That's uh hold on, hold, on hold on erica, erica I love them, I love them right. Erica Mary, mary, what's her name? Erica?
Speaker 3:Erica Campbell.
Speaker 1:Don't you sing that? I love them. I love them. Yeah, okay, okay, sing. I know something about that song. I just gotta know Jesus, I don't gotta know everything else. Amen, amen. What you said was important, because my saying that I tell people is your story is the blueprint for someone else's breakthrough. When I'm coaching, I tell them that your story is a blueprint. Some people may not know how to find their way out. They're in something they don't know how to get out, but you've already been there and got out, so you have a blueprint that someone can follow. Your story matters. So I I never want people to be so stuck in shame and guilt that they don't tell it that testimony will get somebody out of where they are yeah that place is where the enemy keeps us, but god doesn't want us there.
Speaker 1:Our soul attacks our soul, our mind, our will, emotions, and we're so far from god, we're so far from dealing with people or even activating our gifts and moving in our gifts, because we're stuck. Yeah, we're worthy. I don't know. I don't know if I'm going to get it right. I don't know what people are going to say, and then you don't do nothing.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You don't do nothing, but stay in your head thinking about it or learning, keep learning and learning and learning and doing nothing.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I just want to encourage you to get out that place. I just want people to just get out that place. Yes, they're on this better than perfect. So please move, please do, move and do. This is not the time to sit For kingdom women. I'm talking to kingdom women. It's not the time to sit. God has put something in your heart. He's placed something in your hands.
Speaker 3:Do something, and your hands do something and and and with that yeah go ahead I want to say god gave me a dream, okay, last week.
Speaker 3:This is really important. This is really important. You know, god is doing a lot of exposing and and and all that. He gave me that dream too, two years ago that there was going to be a overload of powerful exposure in the body of christ, and it's going to expose not only leaders and pastors and all those people and false prophets, but it's going to expose the heart of, of god's people and the idolatry that god is tired of, pretty much putting these pastors and all these people on pedestals that they're not meant to stand on. God had given me a dream that revival, as he's cleaning up, revival is coming. Revival to the body of Christ is coming.
Speaker 3:You want to get yourself either in a good, bible-based church, a Bible-based community, a good, bible-based church, a Bible-based community, because God is going to, as he is cleaning up, god is going to revive his people. Yes, thank you, and and and the anointing and all of our gifts are getting ready to be revived and there is a new move and a new wave of of his power that's going to be manifested. It has to be, because that is his word, it. We are in the in time. So it has, it has to come to pass. And so I'm just saying we need to position ourselves when we are sensitive to the holy spirit and that season, that season is coming very quickly amen, I love that yeah, we both have Bible believing churches.
Speaker 1:Mine is in Warren Lamb Christian Church, Pastor Dorian has, and then yours is in Romulus. What's the name. Yeah, presence, presence. And who's your?
Speaker 3:pastor James Kirby.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you guys, if you're looking For a Bible believing church, we we both attend Bible believing churches when the whole. Rest and ruling and abiding, so Amen, amen. This was Great joy. Yeah, yeah, it's a good time, good time in the Lord. So I really want you to just pray us out and then I'm gonna end, end the recording. I'm going to end it, okay awesome. I'm not even going to say anything else, because once we get in that space, I just want to end it with his sweet presence.
Speaker 3:Amen. All glory to your name, jesus. Father, we thank you. We thank you for this time in your presence, we thank you for this time to come together in love and we thank you for this time to uplift your name and to shine a light on who you are, who you've been and who you continue to be. Father, I ask that you bless every ear, open up every understanding, increase everyone's capacity to receive you, increase our faith and I know that's a prayer that we pray and say increase our faith. But, lord, we need to increase our faith.
Speaker 3:Father, in the name of Jesus, lord, I ask that you bind every doubting spirit, encourage every heart, lift up every discouraged heart. Father Lord, we thank you for keeping us, we thank you for molding us, we thank you for making us. Lord, we ask that you continue to create in us a clean heart and renew a right spirit within us. Father Lord, we ask that we not be conformed to this world, as your word says. Be, ye, not conformed to this world, but be renewed by the transforming of our mind. Change our way of thinking, increase our way of thinking. Lord, cover our mind, change our way of thinking, increase our way of thinking. Lord, cover our families, cover our friends. Lord, we ask that you draw those who do not know. You Draw them into your love, as you have drawn us. Father, lord, make sense of our lives through your way and through your will.
Speaker 3:Father, in the name of Jesus, lord, I ask that you bless my friend, bless my sister in Christ. God Lord, uplift, ask that you bless my friend, bless my sister in Christ. God Lord, uplift her, encourage her, allow her to not grow weary in right doing. Father, in the name of Jesus, lord, we thank you, we praise you, and we give you the honor and the glory in Jesus' name. Amen and amen. Amen and amen.
