Her Authentic Voice™
Hosted by Coach Tara, this podcast is a space for faith-driven women who are ready to reclaim their voices, break free from guilt and shame, and walk boldly in their God-given purpose. Each episode features powerful testimonies, raw conversations, and live storytelling from women who have found healing through their faith. Whether you’re an aspiring writer, a woman with a story to tell, or someone seeking encouragement, this podcast will inspire you to live, love, and BE authentic.
Her Authentic Voice™
The Human Detox: Why We're All Worth the Change
Worthiness is not just a concept—it's a right and a reality that many of us struggle to accept after trauma. Coach Tara and Dr. Teresa "Pepsi" Edwards explore how breaking free from your past doesn't happen overnight, but through intentional daily practices that rewire your brain and heal your heart.
• You are not your starting point—your brain may anchor identity to past experiences, but God speaks identity based on destiny
• Generational patterns may explain behaviors but they don't have to define you—epigenetics shows trauma affects DNA, but neuroplasticity proves you can create new neural pathways
• Healing is a process requiring 40-60 days of consistent repetition to build new neural pathways
• Dr. Pepsi shares her journey from childhood abuse, sexual assault, and homelessness to becoming a doctor and author
• The 40-Day Human Detox emerged from Dr. Pepsi's personal journey to find and heal the "fine pieces" of her shattered self
• Creating a sustainability pain plan helps maintain healing and prevent emotional relapses
• The transformation is visible—from depression and disconnection to joy and wholeness
Register for Dr. Pepsi's book launch at www.40dayhumandetox.com and join the journey toward healing, inner peace, and self-discovery.
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🙌 Until next time, remember to live, love, and BE authentic. 💛
Thank you, hey, it's your favorite Shift. Your Story coach, coach Tara, and welcome to another episode of Her Authentic Voice podcast. Today, we're discussing worthiness, our worthiness, and that we are worth the change. All right, so grab your pens, your notebooks, your journals and I'll see you in about 45 seconds. Have you ever felt like your story didn't matter, that your voice wasn't enough? Here's the truth. Your story is not just yours. It's a testimony, a light, a blueprint for someone else's breakthrough. Welcome to the Her Authentic Voice podcast, where we break free from shame, step into bold faith and use our voices to inspire others. I'm your host, coach Tara, and every episode is an invitation to own your story, embrace your purpose and speak with confidence. Are you ready? Let's go higher together. Let's live love and be authentic. All right, you guys, welcome again. I'm so happy that you're here and make sure you are subscribing, make sure you're joining.
Speaker 1:Welcome again, I'm so happy that you're here and make sure you are subscribing, make sure you're joining the conversation. I want to see you in the comments, ask questions if need be, but share. This is a sacred space. It's a nice space that we have cultivated to just speak, share conversations, share insights. So, as a minister, as a certified life coach with the concentration in behavior science, I'd like to give you teaching.
Speaker 1:In the beginning, the teaching is always based on the topic. It's based on my guests, it's based on something that we are going to touch on tonight. So tonight is no exception. And also, I'm a publisher, you know. So I will have some book stuff in some later episodes, but tonight we're going to be dealing with healing, okay, so go tight, let me pull up my my info for you and let's go through these slides so you are worth the change. This is something that is tied into my guest. This is her tagline, and I thought it was really fitting to do a teaching based on this. So this is a teaching. It's a mini teaching, but it's about healing and patterns and just becoming who God called you to be. Amen, all right. So share this with someone who needs it. And let me get my next one up here and I'm not going to rush through this because this is some deep stuff. All right, so the first one.
Speaker 1:You are not your starting point. You are not your starting point, so write that down. The brain anchors identity to past experiences, but God speaks identity based on destiny. And then you have David, you have Rahab, moses, esther the woman at the wall all started low. I'm going to say a little bit more about this, but I'm just going over the bullet points and you don't finish where you started.
Speaker 1:So studies show that humans, us, we have a mental pattern called the anchoring effect, and this is where we unconsciously tie our identity with how or where we began. This means that our brain forms pathways around our earliest circumstances. So, whether it's poverty, whether it is rejection, whether it's abandonment, any early trauma, even first mistakes, things like that, you tie your identity to those things, to that starting point, and your brain keeps telling yourself the story that this is just who I am. You know I am this person, I am what happened to me. I am this way because of this, but identity is not fixed. So that's what I want you to get tonight, because you're going to see from her journey that identity is not fixed. You can transform. So your brain tells yourself that story. But you can rewire your brain through intentional practice, through reflection, through small actions every day that moves you forward. You can visualize the future you want. You can visualize the person you want to become right. So you take small steps to do that, whether it is journaling, you know, studying and praying, but doing new things, exercising things that you didn't do before, starting new habits.
Speaker 1:So I want to give you a biblical principle God never defines you by your start, and that's why I have David, rahab, moses, esther. I have them listed there because they weren't defined by their start. David started as a shepherd a shepherd boy, you know and he was forgotten. But God called him a king, right. He had a calling on his life as a king.
Speaker 1:Rahab was in prostitution, but she was also a woman of faith. She did something really scary you know to do during that time and now she's in the lineage of Jesus. She's named in Matthew. You know what I mean. That's huge. Moses started as a stuttering fugitive, but God used him to lead a nation out of bondage. Esther orphan, right. But then she was positioned as a queen. So just think about starting points to where you become. Mary Magdalene. She had like seven demons, but she was also the first one to witness and preach about the resurrection of Jesus, the first one. That's huge, you know.
Speaker 1:So think about where you started versus where you are now, and don't continue to define yourself by where you started. The Lord says in Jeremiah 29, 11,. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you and they're thoughts of peace, they're not evil and they're to give you an expected end. So the emphasis is on expected in. There is an expected end for you, there is a destiny for you, there is a defined future for you and it's beyond where you started. Okay, amen, all right.
Speaker 1:So the next one is generational patterns. Generational patterns may explain, but they don't have to define you. They may explain you this is why I'm this way but they don't have to define you. So we had Dr Tanya on about two or three weeks ago and she spoke on epigenetics. So epigenetics shows that trauma doesn't it doesn't just affect our mind, it affects our body, it's even in our DNA, you know. It doesn't just affect our mind, it affects our body, it's even in our DNA, you know, and it passes on to our children. Stress, fear, shame, that survival mode response all of that can be inherited. It's not just circumstances, you know. So, then, when we talk about neuroplasticity, it's the brain's God-given ability to change. You can actually rewire, you can create new neural pathways and not just be stuck in the same pattern. So this shows that we can build new responses, we can have new beliefs, we can have new behaviors.
Speaker 1:So, even though you went through all of that, even though that's your family history, you do not have to repeat your family history. You literally you don't owe the past nothing. You don't have to do a repeat performance because your mom did it, your grandma did it. You know you don't have to do that. You literally can honor where you come from without repeating that. You know it takes hard work of self-awareness and forgiveness of your people, your past and yourself, and creating new habits. So I just want you to think about that. You don't have to keep living out the same script that was handed to us. You were born into that. You think well, this is just how it is, this is how everyone's done it. You don't have to do that. You can break that. You literally can be the pattern breaker in your life. You can be the one that breaks the cycle Like seriously, financially, emotionally, whatever is going on. You literally can. It takes work and intentionality, but you can be the one that steps outside and say I'm not doing this, we've been doing this too long this way. Something has to change. So generational patterns they don't have to define, define you.
Speaker 1:So the biblical principle is second corinthians 5, 17. It says therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things are passed away. Behold, all things are become new, right, a new creature, not recycled, not we patched up from the past, not patched up, but a new creature, a new creation. So I want to leave that with you. And I have one more healing is a process. So allow and embrace the journey, because it is a journey. It's a process, but you have to embrace it. So studies show and this is also significant with my guests studies show that it takes 40 to 60 days of consistent repetition to build a new habit or to build a new neural pathway, like we were talking about neuroplasticity.
Speaker 1:40 to 60 days. So if you want to build a new habit, you want to change. It takes intentionality and repetition too. So 40 to 60 days. That's why trauma responses don't just go away. It doesn't go away with one prayer. It doesn't go away with one altar call when we go up. Why trauma responses don't just go away. It doesn't go away with one prayer. It doesn't go away with one altar call when we go up there. It doesn't just go away. It takes time. Some things really do take time.
Speaker 1:You know, when you're under pressure, you know your brain reverts back to what's familiar. We talked about this before, I think last week. Your brain will go back to what's familiar. We talked about this before, I think, last week. Your brain will go back to what's familiar, the familiar patterns. Oh, I know this way. You go the same way driving to work. Try a new way. You can do that without even thinking. You can do some things so unconsciously because you do it all the time. That's the same way with your brain. But if you start doing new things, trying new, going on new adventures, you would create new neural pathways. But you can't just do it one time, so keep doing it. Build new patterns that are strong enough to hold, and they'll be strong enough to hold if you take the time to develop them.
Speaker 1:So we do faith and works right. We don't just pray, we put, we practice what we say, we believe. So we don't just talk. We do the same thing here. It isn't healing. Healing isn't linear. You know you're going to have good days, you're going to have relapses. You're going to have bad days. You're going to have moments where you are so clear and then you're going to have moments where you are so confused you don't know what's going on, but that's normal. You know. That's what happens when you stay in the process.
Speaker 1:And you need tools. Dr Pepsi, dr Teresai, edward, she has a tool for you tonight we're going to talk about that. So you need tools and you need community. You need truth, you know. So I have a scripture for you here. It's philippians 1 6 being confident of this very thing that he, which have begun a good work in you, will perform it into the day of Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:So will perform it. Listen to the words. Will perform it. These are action words, moving words, ongoing, active words. He's not done. So please don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on the process.
Speaker 1:Each day is different. Some days are better than others, but you do not have to be who they were. You can create something new right now, today, not going back to the starting point, not being your mistakes, okay, amen. So remember these things. You're not your starting point.
Speaker 1:Generational patterns may explain you. It may explain why you've done things you've done, but they don't have to define you and you can create something new. You can, but you need to believe that you can, believe that you can, and then do the action, take action, but stop telling yourself what you can't do and who. You're not out there. Okay, and?
Speaker 1:And then healing is the last point is a process. Okay, it's a process. So embrace that process, embrace that journey and what comes along with it, because you gain a lot of wisdom in your process. All right, amen, all right y'all. So I just wanted to go over that with you. I hope you took some notes and I haven't been able to see the chat, but I'll look over there in a second. But today I have a special guest and she's the author of the bestselling book, the 40 Day Human Detox A Path to Healing, Inner Peace and Self Discovery, which I've had the pleasure of publishing. But also she's someone who's now become a friend and I honor her and her journey and I just want to bring her up, her name is dr teresa pepsi edwards, and come on, pep hey girl hello.
Speaker 2:Hey, coach tara, how are you pretty?
Speaker 1:good, pretty good. What do you think of the point?
Speaker 2:I loved it. It was exactly what we're going to be talking about tonight. I think you took them through an excellent journey and you mentioned some things that are ex, that are intentionally important amen, amen.
Speaker 1:I try to line them up with whomever I'm talking to and what we're going to be talking about, and I know a little of your story, but I don't know a lot, so I want to know more tonight. I want to find out more tonight. So introduce yourself, tell the people who you are.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. My name is Dr Teresa Pepsi Edwards and I go by either Dr P or Dr Pepsi. But whatever you call me, trust and believe I'm going to answer you. How much do you want to know about me?
Speaker 1:to you, how much? How much do you want to know about me? I want to know the woman behind the degrees before we even get to the degrees, because we're going to get to the book, which is the book is fire. But before we get there I want to just kind of go back. Let's go back there go back, back, back.
Speaker 2:Let's go all the way back. Take us back to teenage. I am a young lady that survived a lot of trauma, a lot of pain, a lot of rejection. I am a young lady that decided to not blame others because of my pain, but to look at who I am so that I can start a healing for myself. I am the oldest of four siblings. I am the mother of three children and three grandchildren. I have been married and divorced.
Speaker 2:I've pretty much went through a lot of what a lot of everybody is going through, from finances not having enough money to do things. First of all, I didn't even have a dream. I didn't have hope. I didn't see a future for myself. So to be here today to be addressed as doctor is amazing, because when you're going through things and you've been through trauma, you don't see past what's in front of you. So that's who I am. I am somebody that decided that I needed to fight. Every day was a fight. Every day was a fight for my life. Every single day was a fight for my thoughts. A fight for existence, a fight for understanding, a fight for forgiving, for understanding, a fight for forgiving, a fight to not be toxic to someone else.
Speaker 2:Okay, pause Because I want to go a fight, literally, literally, a fight from within, because your fight every day or every moment. We have racing thoughts, so for me, I even wrote a song and I asked God why was I born? That's a fight, because the minute you think that you don't feel that you need to exist in this world, then you start thinking other things. You feel like you don't matter, you feel invisible, and I had this as a young girl, a little girl, and when I talk about my story I want everybody to understand this is not a blame on my parents, because guess what? When I grew up, I found out they had their own story too.
Speaker 1:That's when you grew up.
Speaker 2:That's when I grew up, but as that third grader, that young girl, you don't know these things. You're just trying to figure out why things are happening. Why are you here?
Speaker 1:I know how you move, so I y'all, I may be cut, I may come in to kind of reel her in, because when she goes she go, so I I gotta reel her in so we can get to what happened before we got to the doctor. I wanna, I wanna, see a transformation here. So tell me about you as a child as a child, I experienced, uh, physical abuse.
Speaker 2:Uh, am I? Can I share a story? All right, I remember, um, I was in the third grade, and the reason why this sticks out with me because I still feel that trauma. I was in the third grade and my parents had this big old argument. Well Well, really, my mom really wasn't arguing, it was my dad. My dad told my mom to get out and I remember she was in the kitchen cooking and she was doing some things, and then he looked over at me and he said you get out too. I had no idea why he told me to get out.
Speaker 2:In the home that we lived in, it had a back porch. This is where we kept our dog, this is where our dog slept his blankets and so forth. I have on my pajamas getting ready for bed. So now my mom and I we're on this porch. We slept on that porch. My mom tried her best to keep me warm.
Speaker 2:Now I'm in the third grade, I'm not even processing this and still, to this day, to even think about that moment. There are certain smells that trigger me with it, there are certain scenarios that trigger me. But imagine you and your child. I can't imagine what my mom went through, and as I started to grow up, I resented looking like my mom. I didn't want to look like her I didn't know why, but I did not because of the fact and I hated him. So I didn't want to look like her and I hated him for putting us out there to sleep on the porch all night you know, all night and I never my mom mom, we never talked about it. I can also remember instance where I was allowed I had to get straight a's and I was allowed one b this particular report card no, it was essence and o's and I end up getting an s. I remember being beaten so bad that I could not even sit down in school, that I got in trouble to stand up and I couldn't understand why not one adult could look and see that something was going on with me. Now some people may say well, where was your mother in all of this? She was a victim too. She was a victim too, victim too. She was a victim too, and so I had whipped the back of my leg from a bunch of rulers that he put together. And I'm only telling my story. Nothing about my siblings, just me.
Speaker 2:I can also think at a time remember the Nerf footballs he had the music playing. He said he didn't want to hear no noise. So we were okay with that. So we threw the Nerf football, it hit the floor, we got beat. I got a beating.
Speaker 2:So this caused me to go in this shell. And it caused me to go into a shell because I was just at that point. I felt like I was in a world of my own. Why am I here? Why am I existing in the third grade? Why?
Speaker 2:And as time went on, leading up to the night of the sexual assault, see, he took something from me that I could never get back, that I could never replace, no matter what I do. You know, on this particular night let me back up a little bit so I can really have you picture this trauma my mom had left and I remember asking her, asking her before she left out that door Can I go with you please? And I was the oldest, so I had smaller siblings. She said no, she didn't come back, she did not come back. No, she didn't come back, she did not come back. So what my father did? We didn't know that a telephone can get cut off. So I'm nine, my siblings eight and two in diapers. Okay, we didn't know a phone could get cut off, how he tortured us. I didn't know it was tortured. Then he would come and he would start talking and we would just sit there. Please, let us talk to our mom, let us talk. He said no, it's a code. After he would leave I would go get my little brother and we had a pad. We tried every numerical combination and each time we said mom, mom, mom. We had notebooks of numbers and numbers and he did this every day. Then one day he tells me you have to go out and find your mom and don't come back until you find her.
Speaker 2:I leave with three small children. I'm nine, we're in alleys. The smaller ones start crying. I'm scared. Men are talking to us. I'm asking them can they look in the dumpster? The smaller one, diaper, was hanging and after about seven hours them crying. I said I got to go back home, but I feared that he was going to beat me to death. But I went back home.
Speaker 2:He was drunk. He left out. He came back with a brown paper bag, coat 45. At that time it was the tall can. He set me on one side and he set my brother on the other side. He gave us each a can of beer. I didn't drink mine, my brother did. Then he went to the sink. He came back with two long butcher knives. He gave me one, he gave my brother one and he told us on the count. He gave a count and he asked us to push this knife into his side.
Speaker 2:From what I can can recall, I believe my brother either passed out or or what have you, and I played drunk. He kept telling me either you push it in or I'm going to push it in you. And he kept drinking and he kept drinking. Then he started talking about all kind of inappropriate stuff. Then he told me he you go get in my bed. And I remember clear as day. I had no idea what was about to happen to me that night. All I knew was that I wanted my mother. I was scared.
Speaker 2:This is when the sexual assault took place. I can remember, when I closed my eyes, exactly what I had on. I had a red like a little duster, which was my pajamas, and it had mismatched sleeves. I remember him running through the house throwing clothes. My siblings were asleep because now it was my job to protect them. I remember getting in that bed. I remember him laying on me. I remember being uncomfortable. Then I remember him getting up and telling me to get dressed. I get dressed. I remember him taking me outside, putting me on his shoulders like everything was okay. And I remember being on the top of his shoulders with my eyes just open, like what in the hell just happened to me. Just open, like what in the hell just happened to me. What just happened to me? I remember him bringing me back and us going to bed. I remember getting up that next day as if nothing happened, and I can see this very clear. This is all at the age of nine, what you? Third or fourth grade. I hadn't even started living yet at all.
Speaker 2:I hadn't even began to start dreaming the one thing that I did have I was smart because that was my outlet. I didn't know it then, but that was my, that was my safe place, because that was the one thing that he could not take from me, that was the one thing that he could not alter. And being in the third grade to be on that mindset is amazing to me. Oh, girl, and I can. I remember one time he had a dollar, or whatever the case may be, and I took the dollar because I wanted to go get some chips or whatever the case, and I took the dollar because I wanted to go get some chips or whatever the case. He set me and my brother at the table and he put a lighter on the table and he said my brother I don't know if him, which one of us, took it, but we always stuck together he spun that lighter around. Think of, at a young age, I'm learning about fear, I'm learning about nervousness, I'm learning about anxiety. I'm feeling unsafe. He spins it and you're waiting, and the lighter stops on me. So this means that he was about to strip me and beat me. I left out, I was just like I just can't. And he, you know, substance abuse is something that's so real and altering. He was so drunk. I ran in our neighbors they had a somehow I don't know. We could get up on a roof and it had like a little dip. And I remember we got up on that roof and he was calling me. He came outside, teresa, teresa, and we watched him. I'd rather fell off the roof than take another beating from him and I waited until he fell asleep and then I came back home.
Speaker 2:Now, what scares me about all of this? I can only tell you guys about what I remember. What scares me is I can't remember past. That. Is it because I was already traumatized that I don't remember it, because I don't think that just start overnight. I do remember he. One time he made me stand with my arms out for so long and if they went down it, just he did, he did. He was more than a physical abuser. They went down, it just he did, he did. He was more than a physical abuser, he was a verbal abuser. You know, he had just ways that just make you feel like here I am and I love to write. So I always was a writer. I always was a writer, and it also taught me that when I had pain, I couldn't show it. I couldn't show it. I jumped down some stairs and sprung my ankle. I held it in because I did not want him to see me in pain. This is not normal. You supposed to have feelings, that's who.
Speaker 1:I am Proper responses yeah, yeah, proper responses.
Speaker 2:I supposed to have been able to scream like oh my.
Speaker 2:God, I hurt my ankle so I feared him. He also was the first person that gave me my definition of a man Trust. Okay, I had uncles. I've never felt any uncomfortable around my uncles or anything. Never felt any uncomfortable around my uncles or anything. And then it seemed like this was a silence, silent abuse, because you know my mom and I just think back and I can't tell her story. But I'll tell you this when I became older, I became appreciative of her, but going through it, I could not appreciate anybody. I just was always in survival mode absolutely.
Speaker 1:How could you appreciate anyone? The ones who were supposed to protect you and love you and teach you how to be were abusing you and neglecting you and, uh, rejecting?
Speaker 2:you exactly, we couldn't fight. And this, this is, this is another. I just remember this. We couldn't fight right, we couldn't fight anybody in school, you know. So by me being smart, sometimes I would get picked on. But I remember this day it was these two girls on our street and they knew this, you know. And so they was picking on me, but I could not fight them back.
Speaker 2:So this guy, he comes out of nowhere and don't laugh at his name, but I'll never forget it. They called him booty man, for whatever reason. He came, he took up for me. He said you go home and this, that and the other. And as I was going home, I saw my parents coming up the street and because you know he didn't jump on the girls or anything, he just told them you know, go, you know, break it up. So they tells my father that I had him jump on them. Now he never put his hands on them because he was older than us or anything.
Speaker 2:My father tells me. He says cause my grandmother stayed downstairs? He said go in your grandmother's house. And I looked at my mom and I was like this was before the rape. I'm sorry, this was before all of that. And I was looking like why he want me to go in there. So I go in there and about 30 minutes my grandmother wasn't home. Her door was always open. He comes and he has this two by four, a two by four. He makes me put my hands on the chair, he pulls my pants down and he give me licks with this two by four because I had, he said, I had that young man jump on them, I had that young man jump on them. See, I remember all of this. It's there. But what we do, we suppress. See, even though I remember it, I really didn't deal with it.
Speaker 1:You didn't deal with it. You didn't deal with it, you just kept moving. I just kept moving. But you're 9, you're 10, but you're nine, you're 10, you're 11, you're 12. You hit your teenage years. What type of teenager are you?
Speaker 2:so you hit your teenage years you don't have, you're not dreaming, you definitely not putting in hope and you definitely not thinking about what your future can look like, because every day, that's that fight I was talking about. I was fighting myself to feel like I belong. For so long I felt invisible, because that pain had been suppressed. It was probably here. So, as a teenager, though, I will tell you, I was one to not get in trouble. Two, I was one to not start trouble. Three, I was more than likely doing something, trying to do something to keep myself busy, but even though I was doing all of that, I was still inside, sad, because I still was trying to process all of that that I went through. I wasn't old enough, or I wasn't thinking about blaming. I wasn't thinking about it was anybody fought. I was thinking about why did God let two people have children about why did God let two people have children?
Speaker 2:That's what I was thinking about, and so, as a teenager, I was thinking about why did God let these two people have, I would say me? Why did did, did? Why? Why? If God gave them me, then why was I introduced to that? Why did I go through that?
Speaker 2:And it was then, as a teenager, that I learned how much my mom had went through, how much she sheltered us so that we didn't know that she went through a whole lot with him. Ah, so this is important. So now, because we had a strained relationship, you know, um, on my mother's side of the family, this stuff was like, you know, like we didn't get weapons and things like that. Now we probably got a shoe thrown at us, you know, you, because your mouth so smart, yeah, but my aunts and things like that, it wasn't like this.
Speaker 2:So, you know, I'm conflicted, you know, and I hung out a lot with my grandmother, you know, I hung out a lot with my grandmother and I don't want to go into their side of the family and their story, but I had to understand some stuff. So what happened? As I'm growing up and being this teenager, I'm rebellion, of course, you know, but I'm not getting in trouble. I'm rebellion, I'm being kicked out of the home, you know, and things like that. But I never turned myself to do drugs or drink or anything because, see, now I hate the stuff because of him, so I'm just not into it.
Speaker 1:I have a question with that being your background, with the trauma you endure, endure it at home. How did your rebellion manifest? You didn't do drugs, you weren't bad.
Speaker 2:At school. My rebellion was always, um, fucking up against my mother. You know rebellion mean, you know I'm getting smart. Now I did. I did still a pair of shoes, um, and I always had a job too, but I did still a pair of shoes, and I only did it because and it really don't matter why I did it because I did it, but I did it because people in the neighborhood was just going to the mall wearing what they was going to wear, and so they changed their shoes in the mall, and this is why it's important to keep your children involved. See, my mom wasn't raising me either, and so I figured well, let me go do what they're doing. I don't have anything else to do. I really didn't want to do it, but it just seemed like the most reasonable thing to do, and I think I was like 13, 14 somewhere in there, 14, 15 so I got caught 14 right, you told me that you were homeless at 14.
Speaker 2:Yes, so how did you?
Speaker 1:become homeless.
Speaker 2:So my mom kicked me out. She threw. I was working at a store and I came home and all of my stuff was on the lawn At 14. At 14. And it was because my mom also had her own issues and I'll just leave it that way and the buck up was about her issues. And I came home and I just remember that feeling and that's probably why I moved the way I do on today's date. I remember that feeling of just disgusted that my stuff was out on the lawn and I'm picking it up and, um, I end up because I knew everybody, because I was the lottery girl. Um, a lady on the corner by the name of miss Jesse. She said the lottery girl was.
Speaker 2:I was a lottery girl for a couple of years.
Speaker 1:Like you did the numbers, you got the numbers and collected the money.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a whole nother story I'm learning so much about you, right now.
Speaker 2:And she said Pepsi, come down here and stay with me. And then her daughter came and said I just met her daughter that night. She said what's your daughter? Aren't you the lottery girl? I said yes. She said what you doing out here, aren't you the lottery girl? I said yes. She said you can come home with me and she took me home. But even though she took me home, I was so shattered in the inside I was in pieces, but I kept that face, but in the inside, the pit of my stomach, I was so broken.
Speaker 2:You know home is where and the reason why I say it's homeless. When we think of homeless we think of people sleeping on the street, but homeless is when you're somewhere and you don't feel like you're at home. You're just here in this space existing because somebody extended you this space and that's their home. So for me, homelessness I felt homeless because I wasn't at home. I wasn't at home with my siblings. I am in this lady house who I don't know because I don't know her, but let me tell you what she did for me, and this will be a whole nother book. She made me go to school, she fed me, she did all those things. And what did I do? I felt, I felt out of place and I left did you, and well how long I.
Speaker 2:I want to say now don't quote me here, but maybe it was a few months or something like that, or it may have been longer.
Speaker 2:I just can't put the timeline on it, but I can just take you through those emotions. Even though she never, ever made me feel uncomfortable, it wasn't that. It was the brokenness in me that wouldn't allow me to be seen and receive. She made me make my bed to eating broccoli, all of this stuff. She talked to me but I left because I felt like I was a burden, so I felt homeless.
Speaker 1:I don't want to even rush through this because I'm like I'm connecting the dots of this trauma that we go through and how we can't receive love and the Lord will bring people into our lives to show us something better, but because of all the fragmented pieces, the shatters, you can't even receive it. You can't you. I wonder if you have did you wonder, is this real? My own mama don't even do this.
Speaker 2:I think, just if I can go back in time, every day was surviving. Every day was a fight. Every day was survival. I knew a couple of things for sure. I knew that I wasn't going to be a person that was going to break the law and do things, no matter what I was going through. I felt like that was a choice. But I also knew there were times where I just felt like, oh my God, I just want to give up, I just want to just stop and whatever happens, happen.
Speaker 2:But there was something in me. See, god, now I understand this. God was like okay, yeah, you gave up, you're trying to give up, but I'm not going to let you give up. So the fight was every day to try and make it to try. If it meant me getting a job, then that's what I needed to do. If it meant sometimes I was sleeping at friends' houses, that's what I needed to do. It did not mean that I needed to put myself out there to be a part of things that were going on. I just felt like those things was going to make my life even worse. It was just going to add on to what was already going on with me.
Speaker 1:But that's wisdom. You had that level wisdom and that that level of cognitive ability at that age. That's what I'm like wow, I see god's hand on you already, like you're in this protective pod. Even though you're going through all of that, it's like only so much was allowed because you were still moving and had an understanding that this is happening to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Like it's, this is like, really Wow.
Speaker 2:And I ended up coming back home and I think my mom put me out again and I ended up staying with a friend from high school because I kept trying to finish high school. I kept trying to finish high school, but I ended up staying with her. She ended up graduating and I I I ended up dropping up, dropping out. And so what happened? I formulated some friendships with some young ladies and we're still the best of friends and we end up staying together. But even out that bunch, if we were to bring one of them in, they would say, well, pepsi, no, when we got ready to do stuff, she was like the mama of the group Y'all shouldn't do this, y'all shouldn't do that. Well, how about if we do this or if we do that? My friends, they were risky. They were risky. I mean, that's what you do at 18, 19, 17, 18, right, you just be having fun.
Speaker 2:But I, looking back, I couldn't even enjoy it because I was still carrying all this glass and it was just still cutting. Imagine trying to pick up glass and it's just cutting. You're trying to glue it. And that was me. But I was around other people, but I didn't want to. I just felt like, well, if I do that, that's going to add to this. Then what's going to happen? My whole body's just going to explode. I can't do those things. So they said I was the mother of the group. If it came to drinking, I didn't drink. If they were drinking, if they needed a designated driver, it was me. Or if it was in my friend, she told me. She said no, you always was telling us to do something good, do something good, do something good. I'm like. After all, I was going through, she said you just always been like that. Because one day I asked her? Because when you, you know, you can have a perception of yourself yeah yeah, I wanted to know.
Speaker 2:She said well, no, pepsi, you you always told us, even when we wanted to do something dumb, you would say you know that's dumb, why are you doing that? We should not be doing it. And she said but you will go along with us, but the whole time you make sure you the minimum, minimum action in whatever it is. And I love them so much. You know we love each other. But I was still.
Speaker 2:I carried that. I carried it. I mean, I couldn't even carry it. Because one thing I want people to understand when you're carrying pain you know we use these words pain and trauma hurt. It's like broken glass inside of you and you're trying to figure out how to glue that glass together. And every time you touch a piece of glass you get cut because you haven't figured out how to pick that piece of glass up. But I did, and we're going to talk about that later. I couldn't pick that glass up because in my mind I was shattered. And then, when I did get the glass together, guess what? You know, when glass breaking, it had them little bitty fine pieces. I couldn't find the fine pieces. So if you can't find the fine pieces, guess what? You shatter all over again. You just keep getting to it and you shatter all over again.
Speaker 1:So my whole life.
Speaker 2:I was trying to find the fine pieces. Because I had managed to pick up some pieces, because we are doing some things, but those fine pieces of glass, if you ever broke anything and you know you start sweeping, why do you sweep? You sweep because you want to get all of the broken glass up. You don't feel good until you get all of that broken glass up and you don't even trust yourself because guess what? For a couple of times you wear a pair of shoes around girl, you have my head.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, you are not wearing, you're not going barefoot.
Speaker 2:Uh-uh, you're not, and that's how it felt to me. I didn't trust myself that I had got all the fine pieces of yeah, that's good, I like that.
Speaker 1:I like that. I want to show a picture. You sent me a few pictures. I want to show this photo and I want you to tell us how old were you. What's going on here? Because this doesn't even look like you. I just want to throw that out there.
Speaker 2:So my age? This was in 2008, so if I'm 54 now, so y'all don't quote me on this I was in my 30s, um, or maybe 40s, because I was going through my divorce and, um, the divorce is what I lost it. See, up until that point I thought that I was doing a good job of picking up the big pieces, right, those big pieces of glass. But then, when I did the divorce, everything that I had went through what I explained to y'all, and some came right back up and I just could not look at myself. And I took this picture because when I was looking in the mirror, I just didn't see myself, and I needed to see what did I look like?
Speaker 2:Because even though I'm looking at myself, I'm not seeing myself. That little bit of glass that I had put together has shattered even more. The divorce just cracked the seal. I I couldn't hold on to nothing. It just starts spilling out. This was for the first time that I realized that I carried so much in that picture. Looking at that picture, my eyes are down. You could see the puffiness around how much I was carrying. Yeah, I couldn't even smile you look, but I objected.
Speaker 1:You look like you were in despair.
Speaker 2:I, but I guess what. I got up and I went to work. Yeah, guess what? I couldn't do it no more. Because this is who came up. I had to take off work. For the first time in my life I had to take off work because I could not. I was done. I went, I made a therapy appointment because I was crying, I had this, I hit depression and this was in. This was in 2008. My parents, you know they had passed and just to give y'all some significance, events, they had passed in 1996, four weeks apart. I had suppressed that. I had suppressed at one point my ex had left the home, had came back. I had suppressed that. So all these things I was just suppressing. I was suppressing my low confidence, everything. But then, when I went out the house, my joy came with heck, because I was a social worker and I ran programs. Just seeing them feel good, but guess what? That was only for eight hours out the day. Then, when you leave, what you got right back up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this picture. When I see this picture myself, I just want to hug her. I just want to take her and let her know that you are worth the change. That's what I would do for her and that's what god gave me through the book, the hers and the hymns that are her. This book is going to hug them. This book is going to let them know you are worth the change, and so that's what that picture is oh, I got.
Speaker 1:I got another one. I don't know where you were so this picture came.
Speaker 2:I can't really pinpoint it, but it came a lot later because I had worked through a lot of stuff and I think this is going to be a picture that you're going to show. But, as you can see, my face do look a little better. I started doing some things and I do talk about them in the book. I can't quite put the year on this, so I'm just going to guesstimate. It was probably around 2015 or something like that. I may be off, but what this picture says is that if you just keep on pushing, one day you're going to experience that joy that you see or that you've heard or that people talk about. You just keep on pushing, or that people talk about you. Just keep on pushing. Take a deep breath, pepsi. Just take a deep breath. If you keep doing the good work that God have you doing, he said he's going to take care of you. So you keep on creating stellar programs. You keep on creating programs for kids.
Speaker 2:Because I managed abuse and neglect programs, those programs were important to me. I felt like being a leader. In those programs, I can put things in place that I needed, yeah, yeah or even find out what they need. Nothing is wasted. Right, nothing is wasted. So this picture is me holding myself, holding myself and telling myself things Just hold on, keep pushing. God haven't forgot you. Yeah, you might still feel invisible right now, but you are being seen. Yeah, you might not feel like you are loved, but you are loved. Yeah, you might not feel like you're doing the right thing as a parent, but you're doing the best that you can do yeah, you might not be.
Speaker 1:Where does it come from? I know you're saying nowhere, I'm still like where does that come from you?
Speaker 2:just had, it just was in you. These are things that's in my mind.
Speaker 1:These was my own conversations this positivity, this speaking, this is miraculous. The history that you have and you haven't even said it, I know you told me homelessness. You said you were a young mom on welfare. You told me that, yes, that you were yep, so I had my uh first child.
Speaker 2:Well, actually I pregnant at, so this was part of that Probably. I don't know if it said it was rebellious, but every time when I did want to really do something rebellious, it's like I always had an angel or something. But at this time I was hanging out with a young lady and we were, like I said, I always tried to do keep myself busy because I didn't want to add on to what was already going on with me. So I decided to be a rapper and all this stuff.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait, wait. You be throwing you gross. So I decided I was going to be a rapper as a teenager, but I found out I was better. You want to bust around?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, no, I don't know about that, but I did. I did when I was doing this, acting stuff with you know, keeping myself busy, but I decided I was better as a hype girl next to a young lady and she was phenomenal and during this time, you know, because when you get up 17, 18, you know, you were inquisitive. So I was inquisitive and this guy he was, you know, showing me attention and he was good to me, but I should have known any time. The mama let me spend the night and I'm underage, that's a house that's not being watched, but this happens to us. We don't know, you know, we think it's cool, you know. So I end up getting pregnant. It's not cool.
Speaker 1:Well, it's not now, but no, it was never cool. I'm just saying the message to the parents. That's listening?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's never cool, but I'm just trying to tell y'all where my head was at that time 17, I was his girlfriend, he was my boyfriend and his mom she didn't mind me staying over um, it was uh, it was really crazy for me because I was still processing what happened as a little girl. So I didn't really understand sex like that, didn't really understand my body like that, and I was uncomfortable and I'm just being authentic with you guys because of what happened to me. I didn't know what emotions I should be feeling, of what happened to me. I didn't know what emotions I should be feeling. So, to make a long story short, I became pregnant and I had to have an abortion because it was medically necessary for my own safety, and so that was my unborn child, and I believe I was probably pregnant with twins. So that's when I was 17. And then, when I turned 19, I became pregnant with my daughter.
Speaker 2:And when I became pregnant with my daughter, this was during a time when I was hanging around. Remember, I told you it was a bunch of us, yeah, females. And you know, if you talking to Tommy, we like Tommy got a brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So you know it's 10 of y'all and 10 of them and maybe four of y'all make it and the other ones don't, and that's what happened. So we, you know, and then I got pregnant and I was like, oh my God, like nobody had to talk with me about condoms and birth control and things like that. So being pregnant was it was. I was shocked, you know, like how could this happen? But really, how could it not happen? So I didn't have, I didn't have. My mom didn't talk to me about those things, you know. So she was just more so concerned with me not getting pregnant at 15, because I'm a product of a teenage mom. But at 15, I wasn't even thinking like that, I was in survival mode. But she just thinking about when she got pregnant, but she didn't have the talk with me. So I get pregnant and I'm pregnant with this baby, and no harm put on the dad. I don't want this to turn into bashing about the dad. I'm just telling it from my perspective. I will say to this date he has apologized, but at that time he didn't want any more kids. I'm like, well, I don't know what to do. I just know my stomach growing. I didn't have money to get an abortion, so I go into FIA.
Speaker 2:The worker belittled me, she made me feel bad. She said how could you be pregnant? You can't take care of this baby. She said why don't you go? Stay with the father? And I'm explaining to her. And y'all remember them broken glasses. So now I am carrying life in me, but I'm still broken. So guess what that life gets? That emotion okay. So I go back to the house we were living in with all the girls. She tells us y'all not working, y'all got to go, you got to go, y'all got to go.
Speaker 2:So I'm pregnant at 19. I'm not sure where I'm going to go. My mom, she just really wasn't dealing with me. You know she was dealing with her own issues and I don't know why. I know people are like, well, why didn't you reach out to your auntie? You know, I think it was more embarrassment. You know I was embarrassed. I didn't want to tell my cousins you know they doing a thing, you know they going to college and this that I was homeless and at this time I was still a high school dropout. Okay, so what happens? I go back to the store as being the lottery girl and I get a place. Nothing's in it and the dad, he's like he wants no part of the baby. But what really tore me with that?
Speaker 2:During the pregnancy I had to go get testing because they said I had sickle cell, sickle cell trait. And they asked me did the father have sickle cell trait? Now, this man not talking to me, he done hung up on me. I got two me and this $2, but bus fare. Back then I had a dollar there and a dollar to get home. I took a quarter of that to call him to ask him listen, I don't know what I'm doing here. You have two children already they asking me questions. He hung up on me and I remember at the phone booth, crying, sobbing inside, Herman Kiefer. I go back in there, embarrassed, distraught. The lady told me she said don't worry. She said don't worry, you just keep taking your vitamins, keep doing these things, et cetera, et cetera. And I remember. Now I have to figure out how I'm going to get home because I had to spend a quarter to call him. I had to ask somebody for 25 cents. For 25 cents I get on the bus, I go home.
Speaker 2:By this time I made it back to my mom house. I was in and out of my mom house. So I have the baby. He didn't come. They kept her. They told me she could not come home if I don't have a car seat. Well, I didn't even have a car and even I worked as a lottery girl. I made $100 a week. My mom took 75 of that, so they left 25. I needed a car seat. So they said, luckily she wasn't going to be discharged, she had jaundice or something, I don't know, and I had to figure out how to get a car seat. I cried, I cried, and one of my customers at the store, the lottery lady. She said I want to be, I'll be your baby's godmother. She said I'll buy you a car seat. And she bought me a car seat and she took me to the hospital and I was able to bring her home. But bringing her home, I still had stitches and my mom she.
Speaker 2:So, with the sexual assault. I did tell my mom and she did try to kill him. Okay, she did try to take his life but it bothered her. So we are fast forwarding. So she really didn't want me to have interaction with my stepdad. Okay, and that was her stepdad. Okay, and that was her being a mom. She was dealing with her own issues. So he could not take me to the grocery store. So I had to walk 12 blocks. I thought my BJ was going to fall out. And this, these stories I'm telling you all when people try to figure out the way I move. I have been persevering way before. You see the perseverance that you see my God.
Speaker 2:Walk 12 blocks holding my VJ because I didn't know it. All I know is they used to say when you have a baby, it come out your whole inside. I walked there and back to get this baby some formula. My mom said I can only use one pot in her house. One pot, that one pot. I heated up her bottle and she did watch her when I went to work and then she did it to me again. I get off work to work and then she did it to me again. I get off work, all of me, and the baby stuff is on on the porch. I grabbed this baby. We travel all the way to the east side of Detroit where my family was.
Speaker 2:I had to keep my job, so I would get up, catch the bus, leave 12 noon to get to work at three o'clock, get off at seven to get back to her at 11. There are some things that I have done that made me and this is what I talk about Fight. I had to literally fight If I did not want to be taken out this world from my own emotion and feelings. I had to fight and thinking back. I don't know how I did that. I was always scared. Downtown Detroit. Here I am 19. So there's so many events in my life that has played in who I am today and why God have me doing this work. This work just didn't start from this book I've been doing it.
Speaker 1:You've been doing it. I'm listening and all I hear is resilience. And you had an inner determination and an inner resolve, because he put it in you. He put it in you a willingness to not give up, a willingness not to fail to know. There's something greater for me.
Speaker 2:Even if it has to be. And, mind you, I still didn't have this hope, I still didn't have no dreams, I still didn't know.
Speaker 1:But you still had an inner resolve to keep going, though.
Speaker 2:Well, because I know I went to college. But I don't want people to think well, I went to college because I was going through those things. That came way later. That came about when I had my daughter, my first born, changed my life because when I finally looked at her I said I cannot bring you into this life of poverty. I have to do something different. How can I I knew what I had went through for 19 years how can I honestly look at her and say this is my child and I'm going to bring her in this? So she was my strength to do something different. And I went and I went to a six month school and I thought I was about to graduate and be a medical secretary. He said you don't have your high school diploma. I said well, why do I need that? I just ate all your classes. He said you're going to need that to get your final certificate. I said what? So I go enroll in GED school. By this time I finished that program, but I didn't get my full certificate. But I finished it and by this time y'all, I'm on baby number two and I go to GED school. I go to GED school and I'm pregnant. Baby number two ain't got here.
Speaker 2:I was mean, I was nasty, I was smart mouth because I had had enough anyway and I didn't want nobody to say nothing to me. There was a man, mr Kenneth DeVito. He stood on the outside of his class every day. He was from Wayne State University. I wobbled myself by it. He said good morning. I said why are you saying good morning and I go? He wait for me to come the next day. He said good morning. I was like quit talking to me and he said I want you to come in here. I said I want to hear nothing. You got to say Cause now I'm angry. I didn't have one child. The first child, father like that's not my child, I'm on. The second child, he he's like okay, I'll take the first and the second, but we still having issues and not all on him. It was me. You got to remember. I got all this stuff in me by the time.
Speaker 2:One day he says something and I'm gonna be smart and saying you know what I told myself, I'm gonna go in there and see what he talking about, because he just gonna stand there every single day and speak to me and tell me to come see about his little stuff. So when I go to school tomorrow I'm gonna go see about his little stuff. So this is what I told myself I come. He said good morning. I said good morning.
Speaker 2:What is it that you want to tell me? Right? Well, you know you can go to college. I said what is that? He was like. I said no, I can't go there. My mother don't have no money, and neither do I. I said do you see, I'm in this GED school? He said yeah, I see you in this GED school. He said but you can go to college.
Speaker 2:I said well, who gonna go to college? I got one child at home and I got one in my stomach. He said if you come down to Wayne State? I said what is that? It's a university. I said what is a university? And he explained it. I said I don't know what you're talking about. He said if you come, I will give you an appointment.
Speaker 2:This is how he talked to me. I was nasty, he was so calm, so maybe. I said I'm going to go see what he talked about. So I caught the bus down there. He sat me down. He said do you know what you want to be? I said I don't want to be on welfare. I said I don't want to be on welfare and I did my neck like I said I don't want to be on welfare.
Speaker 2:He said well, do you have you ever thought about what you want to do? Why would I do that? I said nobody ever talked to me about that. I said I'm not dumb, I'm not, I'm not stupid. He said well, I know that. He said because look at your GED scores. You score higher than most kids coming out of high school.
Speaker 2:I said why am I here? He said I want you to pick a career and do what. I said okay, the only career I know about is doctors with the white coats. I said let me look at that career thing. So I looked at it and I seen physician assistant and I seen like money. I said this is what I want to be. He said are you sure? I said you asked me. This is what I want to be. He said I want you to take this assessment, some test, and they asked you about changing tires, all this. He said you're more of a people person. You see all of this.
Speaker 2:He said social work. I said well, how much do they make? He said don't pick for money. Pick for what you're compatible with. I said, sir, I made. I said I'm on welfare, I got $5,000. We get 5,000. I said it's probably 4,992 for the whole year. I need to make money. He said look at what a social worker do and look at what a physician assistant do. Well, I knew I wanted to want to be a physician assistant. That was like, oh no, I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:But I started looking at social work and I was like, well, I do like people. I said, but I don't know if people like me, but I do like people, cause I remember when I was the lottery girl and how I love when people come in. And so I looked at the social work. So then the button in me say how long is this going to take me, cause I need to finish. So he set me up and I remember he had me filling out financial aid. I didn't know what it was. He explained it to me.
Speaker 2:Financial aid came back. He said you can go to college. I hugged him and I remember him standing like this and I was like and I didn't hug people, but I hugged him, I was like you, you rich, you made it happen. He said no, no, no, this is federal aid. And I said, but I said he said OK, you can let me go, teresa. I said OK, and I remember because I had the two. And I told him.
Speaker 2:I said I'm going to go every day, I'm not going to let nothing stop me, I don't care what's happening, I'm going to go every day. And you said I can get these things. What are they called? And he told me he said associates, bachelors and masters. I said I don't know what they are, but they sound like they go. And I told him. I said they're going up. And if I'm going up, that mean I'm doing something good. I said I'm gonna go all the way up, so I go. In between I go, and in between I'm going to college. I mean I'm going on snowstorm day, school clothes sliding into the door. I'm going, I'm not missing a day. I'm catching the bus, I'm doing everything. And then, right in the midst of it, I get shot in the leg. So I get shot in the leg, yeah, yeah, um, and that story is like um, we don't talk about the details because it involved other people.
Speaker 2:But I go into the hospital. They keep me for about two or three days. That fourth day all I was thinking about was missing. My class could have died. But I was like I made a promise that I was gonna finish school. So I get out, I go to class, leg stuck out the hall, the aisle of the class, and I finished class. I was not gonna let anything happen. So I'm going to school, finish my associates. The year I'm supposed to finish my. My parents passed four weeks apart. They passed four weeks apart right after I finished and I was going to Wayne State working on my bachelor's. But I promised him that I was going to finish. So I had to finish.
Speaker 2:And remember I talked to you about that suppressing. See, y'all follow me, I'm suppressing stuff, I'm not dealing with it, I'm just pushing it down. 1997 come, I'm in my bachelor's program, I get my first paperback and it had 100 red marks and I said I'm not doing this, I'm not doing this, I just finished this college thing and you telling me I can't write. So I go into the school of social work and I sit down and I tell I talked to Ms Clark who's Dr Clark now. I said I quit. She said you're quitting what? I said I'm not doing this. Look at all these marks. She said no, this is what you're going to do. She gave me a stack of books. There was English and all kind of stuff and she said she said now you go in the basement of the school of social work and you figure out how you go, what you're going to need to do for your next paper. I don't want to do this. I'm crying, but I but, even though I was crying, this is what I had learned to do. Cry but even though I was crying, this is what I had learned to do. Cry. And we and I'm crying and I'm picking up the books and I'm going down there and I made it again. I said the next paper, I'm going to get 99 red marks. I was too scared to say anything less than that because 100 was enough. But by the end of that class I finally got a paper and it probably had 10 red marks.
Speaker 2:I say this to say I graduated in 1998 with my master's. I mean my bachelor's in 1999 with my master's. So somewhere along the line with these things I've learned when I do something. I have to go all the way with it, because there was a time when I didn't have no power. Here I have power and I can regulate this, so it didn't matter. People called it insensitive and they may say I'm insensitive now. I don't let nothing, nothing, detour me when I'm on my driven path. You could be my child, you could be my own finger. It could be my own finger. I had surgery. What I was doing? I was just going to say that Listen she literally had surgery on her arms.
Speaker 1:and this girl I was like, right, yeah, I didn't even understand you.
Speaker 2:so much better Somewhere along the line. These things developed in me. Yeah, they may not be the most healthiest, but they were things that worked for me. And so, even though I see, the school of social work was my two years of therapy, I tell anybody, because I had to learn how to know myself before I can go out into the world absolutely and be a social worker. So those two years was like, oh my god, you know, and you did a lot of self-interpersonal reflection in social work and things like that and that's what happened. So, when 1999 came along, I was done. I had, in fact, when they said, do the tassel, I was so crazy, I was done. I had, in fact, when they said, do the tassel, I was so crazy. I was like this I was exhausted, but I got that master's in 10 months.
Speaker 2:And when I, when I got my divorce, all this stuff that I've shared with you all, that's when y'all see the 2008 picture, because guess what, you can only mask for so long and you can only and see this is in 2011. So this was around that time when I was trying to, when I was trying to build myself and find myself. So in 2008, you saw that picture right Now. This is 2011. So 2008, 9, 10, 10, 11 those three years, I'm like, okay, I can find myself, but even with this picture, this was a fight to do this because I still couldn't get them fine pieces and I talk about it in the book and I know we're gonna talk about it later, but there's a line in there that I say we have lied to ourselves for so long.
Speaker 2:For so long we lied, I lied, I lied to myself. I did what I needed to do because I still need to work and I still needed to be presentable, but behind it I was just like, oh, oh, my God. And that doesn't mean I'm not saying I wasn't functional, you guys. What I'm talking about is there was this part of me that I probably didn't even know, I didn't understand until I started and did how we got to the book and I'm not talking about because I've always been a prayerful person.
Speaker 2:I believe in God. God is the head of my life. I always was the person I'm going to go work out, because they say endorphins make you feel good. I'm always the person that's going to be around where you in a crowd and you feeling good and you doing this. But after you done did all of that, you go on a therapy, you work out, you might even have you a little wine, if that's what you do. You didn't sit on your teeth because you sit there and you like I got this. You didn't do all of that and it only worked for a while. What? Out of nowhere, you hit with this indescribable emotion that you can't even articulate when you go back to therapy, that you can't even articulate when you go to your doctor because you can't explain it. You just know that it show up, it's disrespectful and it causes you to question yourself, question everything that you've done in your life. Is that what brought you to your detox? This is what brought me to my detox.
Speaker 1:So let's go there, let's start talking about the detox you took yourself on and how it came about with the book.
Speaker 2:So this is what 2025? So let's go. There was in 2024. So if you guys heard everything that I didn't told you, so we talking about all 53, I mean like 30 something years of just stuff, just, and I think I'm in the best spot ever, but remember that that mask is still there, right, because we know how to do it, but it wasn't as bad, but it was still there. So this day I woke up and it was there. It would come and it would go, and I couldn't figure out and it would be during times. I'm happy. I'm like why do I feel like this?
Speaker 2:So this particular time it came and I told myself. I said self I'm not doing this, no more. I need to know what this is. I done, did everything, god. I done. Did everything, god. I pray. I'm good to people. I'm trying to get my health together, my health together. I'm working out, I'm journaling.
Speaker 2:I didn't went to school. I'm not on drugs. I ain't perfect. I make mistakes. That's not what I was saying. I said, but why?
Speaker 2:So I told that emotion. I'm dealing with you and this is how I'm going to do it. I said I was going on a detox. I said on my detox and because I always put rules and stuff, I said, teresa, you're not going to put no rules to this, you're just going to get up and you're going to write whatever is on your mind and then you're going to put a length of time. How long do you feel this emotion? How long it lasts? When do it come?
Speaker 2:I needed to know more, because there was me. Me going to therapy wasn't going to help me with that. Me going to my doctor wasn't going to help me with that. I couldn't even explain to them what that was. So the only person that could do it was me. So I went and got me on my phone. You know, on my phone I said let me find a journal app, cause really I'm a writer. I said I'm gonna do this all different. Usually I will write my stuff. I said, well, obviously that wasn't working either, cause you're still showing up, so I'm gonna do something different. I'm going to journal it on my phone.
Speaker 2:Now, I didn't really like that, but the whole thing about this was to do something different, because I needed a different. I needed a different ending. I couldn't, I could not keep this same ending and I started. So the first day I did the detox, I'm like, hmm, all that was on my mind. But day two, all that I told you about was all there, and so I wrote it. And then I would go back and read day one because now I'm seeing like, is there some type of connection here? Like what, what, why am I still writing about this? I thought I dealt with this Right. So I'm detoxing. Then I figure out as I'm going along, because you know, the first time when you start, you know you write about everything that is mentally killing you, whatever it is you write about, and I'm like I'm gone. This is the process you went through?
Speaker 1:or are you talking about the book? No, this is my process.
Speaker 2:This is your process, ok, so because I'm writing. But then as I'm going along, I start adding little things for me to do. So if I wrote about something I'm like, well, then I need to do this, whether it was write something down to keep me focused, cause we would cause. I promised myself I was going to do the 40 days and I don't know why I picked 40, but 40, I figured, you know people say you need 30 days to do something, and I just didn't trust myself. So I said go 40. So 40 was a random number. I didn't have no specific reason why I did 40, but I did 40.
Speaker 2:And so, as I'm going along with this and I'm just going back to it I started realizing the closer I got to the end, the more peaceful I became. I wasn't so like when I first started. It was just all this emotion. And the closer the more days that went by, I was writing, I was giving myself tasks, like one day I was like I'm going to show up for myself and I started doing things, doing things, and then I started journaling about it. What does showing up for yourself mean?
Speaker 2:You know one of the things I say in a book. You know people say you got to love yourself. I didn't never say I didn't love myself, but I know there's a bunch of people who say, hey, I do love myself. So now what? And that's where I was at People kill me saying you don't love yourself. I never said that. I said I needed to know about this emotion. That didn't mean I didn't love myself and let's just say, okay, I love myself. Now what? Okay, what's the next step? So this journey allowed me to figure out what my next steps were. And so, as I'm going along and I'm getting there and I'm noticing, I'm noticing something, that emotion that I had. It started getting further and further away. So I started checking for it like hey you're there, hey, wait, wait a minute.
Speaker 2:So and then I closed it. Then I had. Then I said, well, I might look at my finances too. So so I looked at my finances, you know. So everything was you know, it was here and there. And I started reading back over stuff and like, oh wow, over them many days, what can I get from that? What did I learn? Because you're self-discovering yourself, right. And then when I got to the 40th day, didn't really have much to say, but like I arrived, like I'm like I'm here, but guess what? I felt like I found the fine pieces, so that process I'd like. And then I was like, okay, so for the next month or so I was doing this waking up, because I was expecting that emotion, because at that time I had no idea that I would be sharing this with the world.
Speaker 2:So y'all, got to think how my thought was. My thought was still like OK, where is it? So I'm like this, so I'm going on, going on. So after a while I was like so I realized I was in what I call a sustainability pain plan, because when I went through that, there was things in there that I said I would do and I was still doing those things. So I was like girl, you are in a sustainability pain plan, you doing the thing so that you don't. And then you learn something about yourself. So now you able to articulate those things to anybody that's in your path or in your space, so that you cannot right, that thing don't show up, right, that team don't show up. And then next thing I know so now I'm ready to write my book.
Speaker 2:Now my book was about me dropping out of high school and getting my doctorate. So that's why I was like I'm ready to meet with coach tara and I sat down and I was like okay, I'm ready to write my book. And you like well, what I said. Well, you said what do you want to write your book about? I said well, I got some little parts and pieces, because I'm telling my story, but I got, I'm stuck, I don't really know which way. And then you said well, why are you going? I was like girl, I just detoxed myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we talked about that. You shared your story and I'm like that's good. But how are you where you are now? You know and you're like, well, I just went through this so that intrigued me. It's like your story's good, we can use some personal anecdotes from your story, but what you just did is life changing. That is what you need to write about, not that you can do that later, and I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 2:I'm like wait, wait, wait. What Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm like that's my journal, though, and Coach Tara said, but yeah, people need to know this. And I'm like, but that's my thoughts. I told people that I've been sexually assaulted, but I didn't go here or I might have said this happened, but I'm like, but that's my deep, that was my, you know, that was my hidden space that I had from the world that I went way down in there.
Speaker 2:See, we got a space in us that we hide from the world. We do, and we hide it because we only tell so much of it. We don't tell it all. So I had went all down in there and so I was like Coach Tara Taylor. I was like I don't know, I don't know about that.
Speaker 1:Oh, I was so sure. Oh, I was so sure Open, I was so excited.
Speaker 2:Guys Like this is it.
Speaker 1:This is what you have to do. So and you did it. Where's your book? Let's see it.
Speaker 2:OK. Oh, one other thing I need to let you guys know, one thing I did say to coach Tyra if I'm going to share me my thoughts or do this this way, it has to be something that's going to help at least one person. I just did not want to write something and just have a journal with blank pages. So guess what? Y'all, I'm in the journal too, so I do it, I show you, I tell you, I'm giving your authenticity, and then I have you do it. So I'm in the journal too. So I'm taking a big risk, yeah, but it's worth it, because you are worth the change, I'm worth the change, you worth the change. So this, what happened? This is the book, it's the 40-day human detail pull it up closer.
Speaker 1:Okay, there, you go a little bit back, come back a little bit. Okay, there you go.
Speaker 2:The thing about this is, I realized, when you are journaling you need a lot, lot of space. So we made a companion journal. We did, and the companion journal allows you to really, really really put all of what's in you out of you, because our minds, believe it or not, it's like a file cabinet. And, if you know, before we came with these electronic file cabinets, we had the old file cabinets. You got a, you got a folder, you stuck your papers down in there. You put them in alphabetical order. But what happens with our mind? We start a file cabinet, we put those thoughts in there and we move it to the back. We start another folder, we move it to the back, but when your trauma starts showing up, you just start pushing it down in there. It's just like. It's just like. And then you got that drawer and you're trying to close it and them papers pulling out and you just pushing them in. That's what happens until you explode. And then, when you explode, then that's when you realize that you just you, just at your wits end. And so this, right here, the companion journal, will help you not to keep pushing and suppressing.
Speaker 2:It is I'm so clean in the inside, y'all, and it's not to say that I don't run into stuff. My file cabinet is organized. And when I do because I still run into stuff, don't get it twisted. But guess what, guess what I'm able to do I'm able to say now, you know, talk my way through it, and then I file it accordingly and then sometime I just shred it. I may still have days where I'm just like overwhelmed, but what I'm going to tell y'all, what I don't have, I don't have. I don't have that emotion anymore because I have a better understanding of myself.
Speaker 2:So what's happening Saturday? So, saturday, saturday is a big day. So Saturday is the launch of these, of this book in this companion journal, and it's going to be held at the Avalon Healing Center in Sasha Lane. It's at 601 Bagley, detroit, michigan. But don't worry, if you go to www.40dayhumandetoxcom, you can register.
Speaker 2:And guess what? At the event, the person that bring the most guests. And guess what? At the event, the person that bring the most guests, they get signature pieces. These will be pieces that nobody else have. They will be not even myself, they will be the only one that will have these particular pieces, not even me, the author, and that's huge. So this is not. This is not just for women. Let me say this this right here is for men. It's for teenagers. Because, human, exactly, if I had had this at 14, I would be probably more of a powerhouse than I ever am, but I wouldn't change my journey for nothing, because I had to go through what I went through in order to be here for you, in order to create this for you. So this is not a journey you have to go on your own. I'm going through the journey with you girl this is.
Speaker 1:I wish I can just speak to you longer and longer because it's so much, but I thank you just for being here, for being transparent, for sharing. You have inspired so many. You are the epitome of resilience. I've worked with you for what? 10, 11 months now and you have surprised me on every level. I mean, you come with it, you do what I ask, and then some you know. But now I understand why you move the way you move and I just I love you. I think you're a great person. I know, I know, but I want to show them something and I'm going to show you this picture.
Speaker 1:Yes, I want to move my head.
Speaker 2:I want you guys to remember if you, if you can really quickly put the picture back up for 2008. Well, if they can remember, ok, the one, yes, ok, you see this picture I'm going to move in. This is me, this picture I took in 2024. And I just want you guys to see the difference. Want you guys to see the difference. Oh, look at this. So when you release what's been holding you, when you get those anchors off your ankle, when you do these things, it is a transformation. This is the receipt. I had no idea that I would be doing this. None I wish I can say to you that I woke up and said that I was going to create a blueprint for everybody, but I did not. I woke up to do it for me, and it turns out that I had to do it for everybody, for anybody that just feel forgotten, that have been through some things and they want to see their self shine. When I see myself, I can go. Honey, I'm in the mirror, I'm like. I like dancing everywhere.
Speaker 1:You know I'm doing this.
Speaker 2:I'm like, look at this before. I couldn't do that yeah, and I don't.
Speaker 2:So I I just wanted to show you from that to this. I just wanted to show you from that to this healing is possible and you are worth every single change that you would like to see for you. I've been there and if you're there now, I invite you to take this journey with me. I don't say I'm taking the journey with you, I want you to take the journey with me. I don't say I'm taking the journey with you. I want you to take the journey with me because I'm going to be there with you.
Speaker 2:And when you go to my website, listen, we got a virtual book club. Listen, get in all of that. It's not going to be a robot, it's going to be me in those classes with you. With you, you're reading my story and make sure you do a review. Not only just get those two books, get the ebook too, for $2.99. You want to be able to pull this thing up everywhere, everywhere you go and read every single word in that book, every quote in that book. Those quotes were not created when I wrote the book. Those were quotes that were getting me through the years. That's how authentic this is, and then I just pulled it all together because I needed those words at that time in my life. So I just wanted everybody to know every quote in there, every period in there, every poem in there, every picture in there. Everything in that book is a 40-day detox for you, amen.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it. I hope you guys are able to come out on Saturday and be a part of her book launch and signing. You have to register. I'll be there, so I hope to see you guys there.
Speaker 1:And if you weren't here, in the beginning I talked about three points. You are not your starting point. She is a prime example of not being her starting point. All the abuse, the rejection, the neglect and everything that she had gone through. Look at where she is now, look at what she did with her life and I just thank God for the grace that he's had on her life.
Speaker 1:I talked about generational patterns. So they may explain a behavior, but they don't define you. They don't have to. She is showing that they don't have to define you Literally. They are not defining her. So I'm so like it's just mind blowing. You're seeing this in action and how healing is a process.
Speaker 1:She talked about the shattered pieces and trying to sweep them all up. It's a process, and how healing is a process. She talked about the shattered pieces and trying to sweep them all up. It's a process, and how she was still trying to get little shards and things like that. It didn't happen overnight, you know, but she did the work. And not only did she do the work, she put it in a book and created a program to walk you down. So this is huge. I I mean I've never worked with anyone like her before and I've published over a hundred authors. Actually, I've never met anyone like her, nor worked with anyone like her. That is saying something. She challenged me in a lot of ways. Also, I actually offered her a job and I'm happily accepted because. So I actually offered her a job.
Speaker 2:I mean I did and I'm happily accepted because, listen you, you've taught me so much, coach Tara. You actually pushed me because initially my thought was this is another dissertation. And guess what you guys it actually was and I was. I should never let me deviate. I came back a couple of times like we could just do this. She said no, it has to be authentic. And I'm so glad I did because it is really for you. And before we get off here, I know we got to wrap up I want everybody in the chat, if Coach Tara would allow, allow it to put I am worth the change amen, I'm gonna write it too, I am worth the change.
Speaker 1:You are worth the change amen, come on, let me see it. You guys, I am worth the change.
Speaker 2:I am worth the change ac said.
Speaker 1:As Adrian Post said, you are an inspiration doctor.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Miss Lewis said she did the work and made the blueprint Amen.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you so much Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Karan. Oh, that's Karen. She said this is good, hey Kay.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, Adrian said I got my book.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, Please put that review Adrian.
Speaker 1:Kim said never let perfection get in the way of progress.
Speaker 2:Kim, absolutely right. Okay, Perfection cannot.
Speaker 1:Yes, it can't. Ty said yes, you can only mask for so long, so long.
Speaker 2:And we wear that mask. Well, we can dress it up, honey but it can only stay for so long, that's what happened?
Speaker 1:we have so many. Is that okay? Um k said you are focused like flint flint baby.
Speaker 2:I know some flint people. Y'all, hey, y'all, are very focused so, uh, miss judy's on.
Speaker 1:She said you were in a cognitive coma. It was actually your saving grace. She also said you dropped out of high school and it didn't deter you. It directed you.
Speaker 2:Their abuse, ignited your anointing yes, thank you so much, miss judy.
Speaker 1:Thank you yeah, that's good. How do we connect with the doctor? I have my copy copy. Yeah, we're going to put that up, kay, go to www.40dayhumandetoxcom and on the website.
Speaker 2:There is an email address.
Speaker 1:What's your Facebook? Do you use Facebook and Instagram or?
Speaker 2:what's your main social media? I use Facebook and it's Dr Teresa Pepsi Edwards, so her name.
Speaker 1:You can find her on Facebook Dr Teresa Pepsi Edwards. So her name. You can find her on Facebook Dr Teresa Pepsi Edwards. I'm going to take her banner down so that you can see her name and then you can find her on Facebook.
Speaker 2:And if you can't find me, go to the website and send me an email and I will make sure that we are connected. So we have a lot of iron work to change, show up or come to the event. I would love, love, love, love, love to see you.
Speaker 1:When you go on the website that you can hear on the podcast when you go.
Speaker 2:Yes, but this has been amazing and I appreciate every last one of you guys Because me going through this I had no idea, but when I tell you I am 1000% glad I did, because I know that we're going to change hearts, one heart at a time, and once you go through the blueprint, then you'll be able to help somebody else go through the blueprint and it'll be an entire movement.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, make sure you get the book and join her program, because you don't want to walk through it by yourself if you don't have to. I'm really. I'm doing it too. I'm going to do it with you guys. I really am. I'm just so excited about this. So we're going to wrap up. I would love for you to pray us out Absolutely All minds clear.
Speaker 2:You guys, thank you so much for all of the comments, and Coach Tower will share them with me. But I just want to do an early thank you to everybody that I appreciate every single word and all the support. So if we can take time to bow our heads, lord, I come to you as humbly as I can. I want to thank you for saving me, to be able to save someone else. So many times I wanted to give in and give up, but you told me not to. I never understood what the future held for me, but now I have a clear understanding. I ask that you touch every heart, every soul, every mind, every thought, every person on this call and outside of this call. Help them to be healed. Help them to find inner peace. Help them to discover who they really are and be okay. Peace, help them to discover who they really are and be okay. Help them find the definition of themselves. I know what you have done for me and I know what you can do for them. In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1:Amen, I love that. I know what you've done for me and I know what you can do for them. Oh, hallelujah, hallelujah.
Speaker 2:Yes, I have a comment, I just want to read real quick Someone's driving.
Speaker 1:Omar S Ellis says I'm driving, but I'm extremely touched by your story. Much love.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you, thank you, omar, thank you to everybody, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Thank you guys for watching. Thank you, dr Teresa Pepsi Edwards, for being here and gracing us with your presence and your story. I look forward to seeing you on Saturday and yeah, you guys were out. Remember to live, love and be authentic. Tune in next week, but we'll be talking to Menzie, who was a stroke survivor, so I can't wait to talk to her and yeah, take care, don't leave yet, just be backstage. Okay, alright, ma'am. See y'all later. Love you guys. Thank you for joining the conversation. Bye bye, have a great night.
Speaker 2:You are worth the change. Get the book. Yes, get the book.
Speaker 1:That's it for today's episode. If this spoke to you, make sure you follow, subscribe and leave a comment or review. That's how we get this message to more women battling shame, silence and the weight of old stories. And if you're serious about shifting your story, go take my free story validation assessment at her authentic voicecom. It'll show you exactly where you're stuck and what God has invited you to heal. Next, all right? Is that all right? Okay, I'm proud of you, I'm rooting for you and until next time, remember to live love and be authentic. This is your favorite Ship, your Story coach, coach Tara, and I'm out.
