Her Authentic Voice™
Hosted by Coach Tara, this podcast is a space for faith-driven women who are ready to reclaim their voices, break free from guilt and shame, and walk boldly in their God-given purpose. Each episode features powerful testimonies, raw conversations, and live storytelling from women who have found healing through their faith. Whether you’re an aspiring writer, a woman with a story to tell, or someone seeking encouragement, this podcast will inspire you to live, love, and BE authentic.
Her Authentic Voice™
Healing Mirrors: The Queen Within
What happens when we stop performing "healed" and start embracing the mirror of true healing? In this vulnerable, unscripted conversation with Kim Rodgers Cora, author of "Affirming the Queen Within," we explore how many of us wear masks to survive but miss discovering our authentic selves in the process.
Kim's journey from a headstrong young woman to a cancer survivor, military wife, and nonprofit founder reveals profound truths about identity and purpose. "The real you was never destroyed—she was disconnected," becomes our rallying cry as we discuss how trauma fragments us, but healing reintroduces us to who God created us to be originally.
The conversation takes an unexpected emotional turn when discussing grief, with Kim sharing her 20-year journey after losing her mother. Her unique perspective that her mother is "on vacation" rather than gone demonstrates how differently we process loss. This raw vulnerability creates space for listeners to validate their own grief experiences.
Most powerfully, Kim challenges us to choose calling over comfort: "A queen's heart knows her calling is greater than her comfort." We explore how stepping beyond familiar territory—like Kim's 50th birthday skydive—often leads to our greatest healing and purpose fulfillment. When you align with your calling, everything shifts—relationships, opportunities, and your sense of self.
Ready to remove the masks and embrace the mirror of healing? Subscribe now and join our community of women breaking free from shame to live authentically. Visit herauthenticvoice.com for the free story validation assessment to discover where you're stuck and what God has invited you to heal next.
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Thank you, all right, all right, hey, y'all. Welcome to Her Authentic Story. No, that's not the name. Welcome to Her Authentic Voice. That's my old podcast name. Listen, y'allall gonna give me some grace today. Give me some grace because all of my power just blinked out like literally one minute before we were supposed to go live and I was just like like what? So allow me about 40 seconds while I play my intro video to get my whole stuff together, all right, so y'all come on in. Come on in, let me know that you're here and yeah, amen.
Speaker 1:Have you ever felt like your story didn't matter, that your voice wasn't enough? Here's the truth. Your story is not just yours. It's a testimony, a light, a blueprint for someone else's breakthrough. Welcome to the Her Authentic Voice podcast, where we break free from shame, step into bold faith and use our voices to inspire others. I'm your host, coach Tara, and every episode is an invitation to own your story, embrace your purpose and speak with confidence. Are you ready? Let's go higher together. Let's live, love and be authentic. Hey, okay, it's your favorite shift your story, coach, coach, coach, tara. And so let me get this right this time.
Speaker 1:Welcome to another episode of her authentic voice. Y'all, I'm just grateful. Can we just give a big step to the lord that we are here, despite any, anything that comes up to try to stop us, because that happens. So I was like hallelujah and I started singing my song. You're Worthy Yahweh, just singing. So, no worries, it's going to be what it's going to be, amen, all right. So I'm glad you guys are here. I'm happy to see you. Go in the comments, let us know you're here, say hello and all that good stuff. As I pull up my teaching points, grab your pens and your notebooks and all of that good stuff.
Speaker 1:Okay, today we're going to be discussing the queen within Healing as a mirror. Healing as a mirror and not a mask, amen, okay. So let me get that pulled up and thank you guys for your patience too. If you're on youtube or facebook, put something in the comments, something in the comments. So everything is still holding on, um, where I am, and everything just blinks out and I text kim like hold on, hold on. So if I have technical issues freezing things like that, you know that it's because there's a storm over here and my service is kind of wonky. Okay, so let me pull up again. Let me hear. My guest is here, she's backstage and I'm not going to rush, I'm not going to perform, because that's not what it's about this is. I'm a real person dealing with real tech issues, ok. So let's just be real clear. Ok, I mean be real clear with that. Let me pull this up here, ok. So today I want to teach about the queen within, in honor of my guest today, and I wore these beautiful colors in honor of her. If you are familiar with her, then you understand why I did that. She's so artistic and just beautiful and colorful and fly, so I wore this in honor of her and the title is also in honor of her the Queen Within, when Healing Becomes a Mirror, not a Mask. And I'm your host, coach Tara, if you're new to me, some of you are new to me. I know you're tuning in for Kim and thank you for being here. I appreciate that. I hope you come back next Wednesday at 8 o'clock live EST.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the first point that I want to go over with you is healing exposes what the mask was hiding. Healing exposes what the mask was hiding and healing itself. It doesn't mean you have it all together. We say that word a lot. We talk about healing and it's not a buzzword, it's a real thing. So it's not. We say words are misused or overused. This is not one of those words, because we are constantly in a state of healing from something, so don't get it twisted because someone may say buzzword. I say no, you know, it's a real thing. Healing doesn't mean you have it all together, but what it does mean is that you're no longer lying about what broke you. Amen. It don't mean you have it all together, but it means that you're not lying about what broke you, you're facing it. You know, often we build masks to survive, but that mirror reflects, and that's what I want. We're going to talk about these things tonight with Kim's story. The mirror reflects. The masks are built for us to survive and often we try to impress people with the various masks.
Speaker 1:Like I said earlier, this is not a show. I mean I'm on here doing a podcast, but it's not for show, it's for transformation. It's for transformation, it's for information, it's for encouragement. So when I say this is real time, this is real life when technical things happen, I mean you got to roll with the punches. If I had a mask on, I would have a different response to that you know and I want you to be free even in this space, to that you know and I want you to be free even in this space. So remember, healing doesn't mean you have it all together. The scripture says in first Corinthians 13, 12, for now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know even as also I am known Amen.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something about us. So when we're raised in unsafe and emotionally unavailable environments, we often adopt these coping mechanisms and like the achiever, the strong one, the peacemaker, you know we have these coping mechanisms, but they're not our identity. And when we're healing, we're integrating the ways we've learned to cope in our true self. We're allowing the duality of strength and softness to coexist, because that is the thing. You don't just have to be strong, you know, you can be soft too. We got this soft girl era thing going on, but you could be both. So I asked you have you been performing healed? Performing healed to avoid being seen and still hurting, like you don't want people to know you're still hurting, you don't want people to know you're still in this thing, or whatever? Are you performing it's rhetorical. Rhetorical, you don't have to answer. I mean you can in the comments if you want to.
Speaker 1:Let's go to the next point. The next point is the real you was never destroyed, she was disconnected. The real you was never destroyed, she was disconnected. And if you notice, each week I'm kind of building on all of these concepts. They, they speak to each other.
Speaker 1:You know, we talk about the real you and how different trauma have us discombobulated and fragmented. You know, but the real you was never destroyed. You've worn whatever masks that help you survive. So these helped you to survive when you were silent, when you were strong, when you shrink and stay small and don't use your voice, you know, when you're afraid of what it may look like, how you may sound. It's not all together. Whatever the case may be, you do what you need to do to help you survive, but it's still not who you are. They're just reactions to something, some stimuli, but the true you is not lost, you're still there. You know she's layered beneath the years of emotional armor or whatever you have to put on to protect yourself. And when we heal we uncover our true selves. Does that make sense? So when we go through that process, layers start coming off and we uncover who we really are. And it's a process. That's why it's not a buzzword, it's a process.
Speaker 1:So god isn't rebuilding the broken versions. He's literally reintroducing who he created us to be in the first place. I'm gonna say that again God isn't rebuilding the broken versions of us. He is just revealing who he created us to be in the first place. So fuck it. So he saw us. You know, before all the heartbreak and all the other things that we've gone through, he knows who he created us to be. Before I formed thee in the, the belly, I knew thee, and before thou comest forth out of the womb, I sanctified thee and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nation, says Jeremiah 1, 5.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, here's another question for you. What part of your story and what parts of you did you bury? To be accepted, to be approved or to be protected? I want you to think about that and you can even put it in the chat. What parts of you did you bury? To be accepted, to be approved or to be protected? To be approved or to be protected? And there's no shame in it. And I didn't met because that's real.
Speaker 1:Okay, amen, I'm gonna go to the last point. Oh, it cut off. I hope you can see it. It says you can't rain while you're still role playing. You can't rain while you're still role playing and I'll just break it down because you've been showing up in roles Mom leader, wife, encourager, podcast host, author, whatever Community activist but those are roles, but they're not who you are, they're not your identity, they're assignments.
Speaker 1:You know I need to breathe. I need to breathe, but I want you guys to know that it's not about pretending. It's about acknowledging whatever you're going through, being real with yourself and the mask that you wear, but understanding that healing is a process. Be open to it and allow God to introduce or reintroduce you to who you are. It's really that simple, because you're not going to walk in confidence, you're not going to walk in boldness, you're not going to reign. You're just not if you have on all these different, if you just keep putting mass after mass.
Speaker 1:You know you just gotta look in the mirror and let it reveal who you really are and not only do that, but accept it, acknowledge it, accept it, make whatever changes you need to make and keep it moving. You know it's about honesty. It's about honesty. Lasting change requires internal alignment, so it's not going to be something that you're doing outside of you. It's an internal thing. Okay, so the mirror reflects what's true and you want to start living in congruence with it, not in conflict, so with who you really are. Okay, does that make sense? I hope so. So what about this? Make this declaration I no longer hide behind what I had to be or who I had to be. I no longer hide behind who I had to be. I show up as God created me to be. How's that? I no longer hide behind what I had to be or who I had to be.
Speaker 1:I show up as who God created me to be. Okay, y'all there. Let me look at these comments. Let me look in the comments. Hey, kem comments. Hey, kimmery, welcome D'Ebony, I'm glad you're here too. And yes, kimmery, it does not mean you have it all together. We want to take off every mask that we picked up to survive, because we pick them up to survive, right? We want to remove those masks that we picked up to survive, because we pick them up to survive, right. We want to remove those masks that we picked up to survive.
Speaker 1:we want to face the mirror with faith and not fear. We are not performers. Okay, I'm not my performance. I'm not a performer. I'm not my past. I'm a daughter of the most high god. You are the daughter of the most high god. You are the daughter of the most high God. So I just want to do those three points and then I'm going to bring up my guests and we're going to have a conversation, because these are not interviews, they're conversations. We're just going to talk and whatever you can glean from it, glean, write some nuggets down and all that good stuff. So just a quick recap.
Speaker 1:Point three I'm going backwards, backwards. You can't rain while you're still role-playing the real. You was never destroyed, she was just disconnected. And the first one well, I don't even remember anyone come up. You got to wait for it to come up. Yeah, when it comes up, I'll show you. Oh, healing exposes what the mask was hiding. I hope that was interesting for you, see you. Okay, let me get this down. And I'm a green girl, all right, okay, hey, y'all, hey. So listen, I told y'all listen. If you new here, this is what it is. I just want you to just be real clear. What it is is not all, it's just me. It's me talking to some women, some fly women about their stories and I try to kick a little knowledge here and there you know because I'm a life and book coach but there's not a lot of fluff and and all the stuff we're not pretentious over here.
Speaker 1:So if you rock with that, come back. Come back. I like the real. You was never restored, just disconnected. Yeah, exactly because we get fragmented by all the different traumas that we experience in life. You know, different pieces break off, break off. So, amen, my god is good. All right, so I'm gonna bring up this fly sister Kim Rogers Cora. She's the author of affirming the Queen within. This is a amazing book and we're gonna get to the book, but first we're gonna talk about her story. Okay, so you guys welcome her, right? No fluff, just the real stuff. That should be my tagline for her authentic voice. No fluff, just the real stuff. That's all you getting over here. No fluff, just the real stuff, amen. Okay, let me get rid of this and get my girl up here.
Speaker 1:All right, hey y'all, I gotta get the sound effect. Yeah, thank you for being here. Thank you for holding on to my technical difficulties. Girl, listen, I don't know what you were thinking when everything went out. What were you?
Speaker 2:like? I'm like I don't know. Do I stay in this space? Do I come off and come back on? I don't know what you was thinking when everything went out. What were you like? I'm like I don't know. Do I stay in this space? Do I come off and come back on? I don't know, but I know I'm not going nowhere. Amen.
Speaker 1:Amen, because I was like, wait, we have one minute left and everything went black. I was like, oh, hallelujah, hallelujah, thank you Lord, and I started singing forever y'all way. So because we have to be able to roll with the punches, I mean, things happen. I'm not about to fall out. I listen, I'm a stage three breast cancer survivor. I didn't survive shock and all kind of stuff with life. I'm not about to fall out about the tech. And if it wouldn't have came on, guess what this sister would have did got on this phone and we would have worked it out I mean, that's how you have my kids flexible tell what you tell me.
Speaker 2:I used to tell my kids all the time ain't nobody dead and ain't nobody dying. We are doing well I like that.
Speaker 1:I like that we worry too much. But you know what you don't when I was working with you because, okay, so I worked with kim with her book and she's a real chill lady and what you want the people to know before we get into this conversation, you want to tell them about, about you real quick.
Speaker 2:So to sum me up in a couple of words is you can't break me. There's nothing. I've been through so much that you cannot break me. My faith is what it is and there is nothing that can take me off of that center anymore. When I was younger, you could say something to me and destroy my whole day, and now if you get two seconds of my time with something negative, that's my bad, but I won't let it destroy my whole day.
Speaker 1:I love that so much.
Speaker 2:That's where I'm at at this point in my life and you won't get that.
Speaker 1:That's what we're going to go to. I love that so much. That's where I'm at at this point in my life and you've always been here. That's what. That's what we're going to go to. I want to go there because I met you. It's probably over a year now that I've known you, but I've known you this way. I don't know you the other way. I know you chill, positive, encourage your creative. I don't know you chill, positive, encourage your creative. I don't know. You told me about her, but I want to know more of the woman before you got here. This woman, hold on y'all. She sent me this. I want to know about her.
Speaker 2:That woman right there is stressed to the max. That woman right there is stressed to the max. That woman right there was carrying the weight of the world. It felt like that woman right there struggled to find her center for many years, not only because I lost my mother, but before that, emotionally I could be high and then drop real low because of what somebody said or what I thought a situation should have been. And now I know how to regulate my emotions, how to literally take my emotions out of it really and look at it in a different light of what am I supposed to learn from this situation. That was my hardest thing was what was I supposed to learn from this situation and how do I apply it to make the next situation better?
Speaker 1:and go ahead.
Speaker 2:I got a question, you go ahead and in losing my mother I think that was the hardest, but that's when I really came into what is this supposed to be? I'm not supposed to feel like this forever. I'm not, because that's never what she would have wanted for me. So I have to figure out how I'm gonna get out of this and make this my everyday better. I had kids to raise that I knew I couldn't raise with the way that I was, and in a marriage to try to maintain with him being gone, and learning how to not take it out on my kids, not take it out on everybody around me, because that's your first instinct, really. When you suffer that kind of loss, your first instinct is to light up and release as much of that as you can, and you're usually closest to the people. The people closest to you is what you're usually good, but learning how to just regulate that emotion, feel it, yeah.
Speaker 2:But don't allow it to seep out in a negative way.
Speaker 1:So, that's something you learn later. How long has it been since your mom passed? I've only been gone 20 years, 20 years, okay. So prior to that, before we get to the loss of your mom, tell me about young Kim.
Speaker 2:Young Kim has always been determined to do what she want to do and willing to pay the price. And willing to pay the price. And willing to pay the price, okay, but doing it in a manner that was sometimes disrespectful to others and not taking in consideration what that price was going to be. You say you want to pay the price, you're willing to pay the price, but once that happens, are you willing to deal with the fallout, literally with the fallout of all those that you've stepped on or hurt in the process?
Speaker 1:oh wow, okay, you was out here just hurting people, you know, you, you was cutthroat.
Speaker 2:You was cutthroat too. I'm not going to say I was cutthroat, but I'm going to say if I wanted it, I'm going to go get it, and if you were in the way, my bad after.
Speaker 1:Really? Yeah, I know that, kim, okay, okay. Why were you like that? Why do you think you were like that?
Speaker 2:Why do you think you were like that? I'm going to say it had a lot to do with my growing up, in that I felt like everybody else in my family succeeded in school through education, and I was like, well, since I don't feel like I could do that, I did it the other route. I learned things, I could do, things with my hands that others couldn't do, and then, when it came down to being nice about certain things or or speaking to people in a manner that was considerate maybe I will, maybe I won't um, wait, a lot of it was insecurity I was going to say before you move on, because that's you're saying something that I think a lot of people can relate to.
Speaker 1:A lot of people in your family are, you know, were educated, educated through college and things like that, and you're looking like, okay, that's not my thing, I'm, I haven't gone that way. You can look at yourself as less than saying I haven't gone that way. You can look at yourself as less than you know, or the odd person out and even if it's not college, it can be something else that a lot of people are like everybody does this, but not me. Everybody has a husband, but not me. Everybody child is doing this, but not mine, you know. But I see the, I see the difference in you just acknowledging that this is how God made me. That's not your path, you know.
Speaker 1:We can look at that, but that's not everyone's path, and that's okay, because you're so creative and you didn't get that from a school. You know all the things you learned. So I just wanted to stop there, there, because a lot of people may compare themselves to their family members. They may have situations like that where they compare like another family, you know, and it's like this is happening there. This is happening for mine, so I didn't want to rush through that, because I know that I know some people who are on here that don't do that. That insecure. Were you angry?
Speaker 2:I was. I was, and it was easy because I didn't know. I thought college was supposed to be my thing. I thought because everybody else was doing it, that's what I was supposed to be my thing. I thought because everybody else was doing it, that's what I was supposed to do, knowing. But my mother saw something different. She knew I was doing her hair in high school. That's how I one of my creative ways. And I was like, well, she was like, if you could do this, why won't you go to beauty school? And I decided to go after I flunked out of college. So you did go to college.
Speaker 2:I did. I did for like a year and a half, but wasn't doing nothing while I was there. I had a good time while I was there, but did I go to class? That's another question, you know, oh look.
Speaker 1:Look Kim, look what she said, look what Kimberly? Said Do you see that? Yes, we see it as a deficit, when God meant it for distinction.
Speaker 2:That should be on a t-shirt. Ooh, somebody grab it. That should be on a t-shirt. That's good, because thinking that you're supposed to do what everybody else does got me to where I am now, because after I realized that's not what I'm going to do, then I could do what I was supposed to do, but I had to go and find out first. This ain't what I want to do. When I went to school, I wasn't doing anything. I was having a good time, but it was like going to class. And then when my mother said, do you want to go to beauty school? Yes, I do. Supposed to be a 15-month program. Did it in 12.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So when you know, once you accept that you're different from everybody else, it's okay, yeah, it is a wonderful thing. Then some of the things that I used to think and used to do made a whole lot of sense to me. And now my mother was like, okay, I'm going to let you run with this. I love that, but that was. She always supported me in being a creative. She never tried to push me in the direction of being like my sister or being like my brothers. We were all different and she allowed that space for me to be the creative person that I am and then to be married to somebody who who thinks I am crazy, or more than one occasion, but will be right there with me the whole way so do you consider yourself a visionary?
Speaker 1:so you say, the people start to me, people who don't get it, because you see something larger, and they may. You may not explain all the details because you're like, just do it, I see it. This is what people can look at you, like you're a little. Did you experience that, or do you consider yourself like a visionary?
Speaker 2:I don't know if I consider myself a visionary, but I do see things and I do know how I want them to come out. The vision that I have in my head don't necessarily manifest itself exactly, but I can get real close and then I can explain it to somebody else so they can see where we're trying to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you do.
Speaker 2:okay, you did hair right, you used a hairstyle.
Speaker 1:Tell me all the different things, that all the careers you had Bullshot. Well, not all of them. Look, I don't know how many you get you talked about hair, so it made me think okay, well, what else does she do, and how long?
Speaker 2:did you do hairstylist? I did hair my baby almost 15 years. Okay, I did hair and then I went from doing hair to being a paralegal almost not quite.
Speaker 2:Oh, I worked almost paralegal okay, yes, and then I worked in a real estate office as a um secretary doing pushing paperwork, was a real estate agent, worked in operations for jc pennies off and on for jc pennies. I started off in their hair salon and then I went into operations. So I've been with jc pennies almost 25 years now. Oh, you're there now. I still one, two days a week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let me tell you something. I I didn't know where you were. I thought it was just the foundation, the non-profit foundation, and you doing shows and things like that. I didn't know. You had actually also another job. That's really cool. You were you trying to find yourself? I thought a different.
Speaker 2:I guess so. I guess so. But JCPenney's was one thing that because we were military, wherever I went I could find a job. That's why I became part of what my hairstylist thing was. Wherever I can go, I can work. Wherever he gets transferred to is not an issue so how long have you been married?
Speaker 1:27 years now so you married. He was in the military. And you married into the military, were you in the military also?
Speaker 2:No Married into the military.
Speaker 1:Okay, what's that life like being a military wife?
Speaker 2:Let's see, it was different. It was good when he would come back. It was a total transformation because he's a totally different person out to sea and as he's prepping to go, he becomes a totally different person. And I do too, because you start to prepare, prepare for that separation okay you start to distance yourself, you start to.
Speaker 2:You know he's a little, and when I say he's calm, he's calm I mean calm to the point of it could be like scary, like okay, what is he thinking? And already he's in shit mode and you know he's going out. So he's been out. I would say now we've been in the same household for the last what. We've been down here 15 years. And then when he was out, when we were full-time military and I say that because he was on shore duty here but when we were back home he was in and out every 16 to 18 months. So the majority of our, our marriage, he was in and out and this is the longest we've been in one space under the same roof without him going anywhere, and we didn't kill each other, we made it.
Speaker 1:But wow, when you say the longest, so how long is that the longest you guys have been?
Speaker 2:under.
Speaker 1:It's been 15 years now. Where he hasn't been going off to Out to Seattle. That was really interesting it's been 15 years now we've been where he hasn't been going off the out to see at all. That was really interesting. So look, we just having a conversation. I didn't have anything prepared, just talking. How did you keep your marriage fresh and how did you stay together with that?
Speaker 2:not build up resentment, or I'm not gonna say, at certain times there was some resentment because I was always with the kids and he was not now. When he went overseas in um to japan, he was gone for a year and a half and that's when my son, my oldest son, was transitioning to teenage hood real early and it was like I would tell him he's doing these things, he's saying these things, and he didn't believe me. He's like not my son, not the one that I raised. So when we moved down here he got to see One day I was in my bedroom and they were in the kitchen and I had said something to Keon.
Speaker 2:No, it was the reverse. I was in the kitchen with Keon and David was in the bedroom and I had said something to him about doing something and he got smart and David heard him and then all of a sudden you saw something, go swoosh. And the next thing I know my child is up in the air and I took. I told my baby boy come on, we gotta go, just like that. That. I'm gonna let you do what it is you do, because I tried to tell you and you didn't believe me. You had to see it for yourself.
Speaker 2:So it's like certain things when it came to responsibilities, I knew that I was gonna have to hold on to and do what I had to do, because when they're out to see, you can't call them and tell them what such and such is acting up, because they're like you can't even reach them first. Well, you used to, could not reach them back. Then it was letters and that communication, but just learning that he was doing what he had to do. I did what I had to do and when he came home I had to step back. I had to learn to step back because I was always running things and then when we moved here, I was like you know what? I don't want none of it. I don't want to do nothing. I don't want to be responsible for nothing.
Speaker 2:I don't want to do nothing right now.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be no head and you be all the head.
Speaker 2:You do all you can have it all now. I just wanted a few years where I don't have to be responsible for every a feel like because even though he was out to sea. He was doing his thing financially. He just wasn't here physically and as emotionally as I needed him to be or would have liked him to be. So when he moved down here I was like you can have it all oh, you move out like where were you when? You were a junior, okay, and now we're in south carolina okay, okay, man.
Speaker 1:So that's what. Would you tell someone who may date a guy in the military or consider marrying someone? What kind of woman does she need to be?
Speaker 2:to handle that Strong in faith, believe in the military ethos, because you're going to have to, because if you don't believe that he's out there doing what he has to do and when he's telling you he can't call you, trust and believe he can't call you. You have to be able to trust the man that you married. Point blank period.
Speaker 2:And he has to be able to trust you with everything because you have access to financially. You have access to everything when they're out to sea. And you have to be a responsible type of person and a certain type of woman, because people are coming at you because they know he ain't here now. What you do with that is on you. But y'all have to have a relationship of I trust you to handle everything and when I come home I trust you to give that back to me. And that's why I think a lot of military wives, military marriages, don't last. You have to realize. Sometimes she is head of the household when you're gone and then we have to realize when he comes back home he steps right back into his role when he comes back home, he steps right back into his role.
Speaker 1:That's interesting, that's so interesting because you do have to. It's like something has to switch in your mind yeah, I've never. Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2:This is interesting and you have to allow for that, because your kids and even though they do this with just parents that are in the household, same yeah, but my kids will literally walk past my husband and be like ma, can we wait, a minute, did he? He? He's here, you saw him first. Why are you still walking past him as if he's not here? That's who you go to first and he say yes. I say yes, they got used to it.
Speaker 1:They got used to it, but and yeah, you gotta start you just have to. It's just like having. I don't know if you ever had a stepchild, but sometimes when a stepchild goes to their other parent.
Speaker 1:When they come back, they're different. So then they have to get reacclimated to your space and how you do things, and that can be the same the absent parent. When you come back, it's like right away, it's like you're still not here, and then, oh, you're here, you know what I mean, but you help them along. So I love that. That is really interesting A lot of trust and being strong in who you are and believing, like you said, believing that they're doing what they say they're doing?
Speaker 2:Because I say that? Because my husband, when my mother passed, it was a week, two weeks, and he was gone out to sea for six months and my whole thing was why do you have to go? My mother passed. Why do you have to go? He's like Kim, she is not my mother, they would not allow me to stay and I'm like really you can stay if you wanted to.
Speaker 2:That was my whole thing. You could stay if you wanted to, knowing he didn done put every effort to be here, but I hadn't. I had it in my head you could be here if you wanted to, yeah. So I had to work through that. That's one of the things we really had to work through, because I was you were resentful of that you left me in a time where I'm really hurting and I need you.
Speaker 1:My best friend's gone, my mother's gone and you're leaving too.
Speaker 2:Yes, but what if?
Speaker 1:he hadn't left. What would that mean for his career and you guys' lifestyle?
Speaker 2:Oh, he was gone because they were gonna come get him. Oh, they would come get him, they would come get him oh wow, they would come get him. He might be sitting in leavensworth or somewhere, but because he would be absent without leave, you just can't decide. You're not going to work. It don't work like that.
Speaker 2:So the military I'm not familiar except I mean a little bit, as he will remind me. Often I cannot just not go to work, I cannot not show up. Somebody is going to come get me. One way or the other, I am going where I am supposed to be.
Speaker 1:I'm just thinking about so many things we can learn about covenant, you know, and commitment from your marriage. I'm just like y'all are just a fly on the wall listening to us talk, because I'm like, wow, oh, someone said he would be considered AWOL.
Speaker 1:So he would have stayed Absent without leave, absent without leave. So I my best friend Pepsi, lives in Texas. When I was, we went to high school together and she ended up going to the Navy and I went to Wayne State. No, I didn't stay there. I left there to go be with her because she got pregnant. And she didn't stay there. I left there to go be with her because she got pregnant and she didn't have anyone and she they go on the ship, you know, on the sea. Six months that it's, and then they're on land. Six months ago and I left home, I left college, took a 60 hour greyhound ride to go be with her so I can be there with her when her baby was born and help her take care of her baby now. I met a lot of people during that time that were in the Navy and they all called each other last name.
Speaker 1:They could probably call each other by their last name, yeah, but they were a tight knit group, you know, and the camaraderie and the family, and out there they were in Everett Washington. There were not a lot of brown and black people at all I mean, if you saw one, you wave it and the only people that were there were mostly military people, military families, but the camaraderie was really cool and a lot of them were not with their spouses, women who were in the military, husbands at home, and vice versa, and I thought that was like wow, you have to have, like you said, a lot of trust to be able to sustain that.
Speaker 1:Yep, you did it, so your mom, so you were really close with your mom.
Speaker 2:I was, I was. I love that woman as if she's to me. She's still here. The conversations that I have with her is as if she's to me. She's still here. The conversations that I have with her is as if she's still here.
Speaker 1:That's comforting to you.
Speaker 2:It is?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is, I can see it all over your face.
Speaker 2:You know, if I really fully acknowledged, it will be hard. It will be a lot harder every day. I've always said she's on vacation to me. I have to look at it really, really for 20 years.
Speaker 1:I have to so have you ever like broken down, kim? Have you ever like broken down, kim? Have you ever just like? You haven't allowed yourself?
Speaker 2:Not in years.
Speaker 1:I haven't, wow, I haven't. So you're in denial. A form of denial, probably.
Speaker 2:Probably it, just it's easier.
Speaker 1:What is it you say it's easier. What is it that you don't want to feel?
Speaker 2:The lack of her presence. Okay, I think, if I fully acknowledged, I feel like I wouldn't feel her anymore Wow. Which is rationally thinking. I know because there is a grave site. I saw her. I know. But for me, on a daily basis it's easier.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's all right. That's all right. If that's all right, that's all right. If that's what you need, I can see it. You know, I'm looking at you, I'm looking at your shoulders and I want you to breathe easy. As my cousin monica would say breathe easy.
Speaker 1:We both lost our moms. I miss my mother every day. I can hear her and, and at one point I was scared like I can't remember her voice. Well, she sounded like I was trying to find the voice. Um, uh, voicemail. She left and I'm like I never want to forget her voice. I don't want to forget how you sound and how she said my name and and. But I remember and I remember things would say about. I said, oh, let me clean this stove because my mom would be like different things. I can hear her, you know, and I want to make her proud. That's why I write.
Speaker 1:My mom was a writer. My mom has all these poems and she was really into like love stories and the black experience she loved before I can even appreciate it. You know how you wrap your hair. I grew up with a mother who kept her hair wrapped on. She would wrap her hair and talk about the plight of a black man and a black woman and inner city and different things, the government.
Speaker 1:I didn't appreciate it when I was younger. I'm like appreciate it when I was younger. I'm like what I wanted to be in a Harlequin romance and she's trying to teach me about Juneteenth? She tried to teach me that way back when I was like I don't want to hear that, ma, I just didn't get it. But it's amazing when I look through her stuff and I'm reading her works and I'm like wow, wow, you know stuff. And I'm reading her works and I'm like, wow, you know. So I get it and I and I'm I'm happy I have something to just keep. I'll just pull everything out and just start looking through it. Every so often I just do that. You ever do that like you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just pull everything out and just have that moment I have the last clothes that she wore to the hospital and I keep it in a drawer and whenever I need to really really feel her presence, I go and I smell it and it still smells like her. Does it 20 years later? 20 years later, it still smells like her. 20 years later it still smells like her. And the craziest part is my sister sounds like her. She laughs like her, my brothers have her smile. So whenever I really really in a way when I'm bad, I call my sister and I just want to hear her say hello because she sounds so much like my mother. And when you were saying recordings, I remember the day In this one we had those old cell phones and I had a recording of her and I couldn't figure out how to get that recording off that phone. And when that phone died, you talking about somebody devastated oh, my goodness, I didn't think I was going to I get it.
Speaker 2:I really did that one hurt Because it was just. It's almost like it's the last conversation you had, the last time I heard her voice, the last time I heard her voice, the last time you heard her voice. Do you ever replay?
Speaker 1:Oh, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Now you have. I got recordings of my grandmothers now on my phone and both of them are now deceased. Now I'm trying to figure out where I can put these so I can have them.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, save them, upload them to the cloud and then you can put them on like a flash drive and then you can save them that's the next.
Speaker 1:I don't have that. That is so awesome. I do have some video. I have video and I replay my mom the last time I saw her. I replay that moment regularly because it was like she was telling me she was so proud of me and I'm like I'm gonna see you Monday. You know what I mean. I'm coming to get you next week, like. But I was like I left there skipping.
Speaker 1:My mama said she proud of me, grown woman, but happy to hear that you know. But I replied because she had such a deep conversation with me. She looked at me and she was just like I love you. My mama was not an I love you person. You know, back in the day they just wasn't. She wasn't lovey like that. I'm going to say back in the day, they wasn't because, I don't know, your family could have been different, but in my family we're not like I'm like that. A lot of people are like that. So she wasn't like that. But that day, kim, oh, that day, she had her hands like this on my shoulder. She's looking at me in the eyes and she's just like telling me all these things and I'm like, wow, mom, you know, okay, thank you, I love you too.
Speaker 1:You know, not knowing that's the last time I'm gonna see her. I didn't know that was the last time I would see her. I'm listening to her and I'm leaving like, oh, I'm proud of me and leaving there and that's literally the last time I saw my mom and the conversation she had with me.
Speaker 2:I found out she had a conversation with my sister and one with my niece and she had these different conversations, like saying things that she normally didn't say, as if she knew you know, I know for me, the last conversation I had with her I feel so bad about, because it was the night before she passed and I was supposed to go to Chicago the following day and I brought, took my daughter up there and we stayed for maybe about 10-15 minutes and I was like, ma, I gotta go, I gotta go and pack, and I got some things I need to do before we leave tomorrow. And she kept looking at me. I got some things I need to do before we leave tomorrow and she kept looking at me and she was like, well, I need you to stay a little bit longer. I was like, well, mom, when I come back I'll be back on Friday, I'll be back on Friday.
Speaker 2:And I knew there was conversations she wanted to have, but something in me knew I didn't want to have those conversations. I didn't want to have the conversations of her leaving me, because she had those conversations with my sister, and my sister and her were always able. They would talk in the wee hours of the morning about what my mother wanted. So when my mom passed, my sister knew everything and at that point I checked out. Then too, I had already literally you could say I had already checked out because I felt, in a way, that I knew something wasn't going to be what I wanted it to be, and emotionally my thing was to run, to literally run, and my mama knew when it was something overwhelming for me you have waited
Speaker 2:yeah, I gotta go. I can't stay in, I don't want to stay in this moment. I don't want to stay in this moment. So when she passed that thursday I still went I called my grandmother. I got talked to my grandmother. I said I gotta go, I to go, I'm going to go with David to Chicago, like we plan to get the car, drive the car back. My grandmother was like do whatever you need to do.
Speaker 2:My mother's funeral plans I had absolutely nothing to do with, absolutely did not. I did not go to the viewing. I was like I will not see her. Like that, I refuse. And my siblings are like you need to go.
Speaker 2:My mama understood who I was. She understood what I could take and this ain't it. Literally, at the funeral I had no intentions of walking past her casket. None, that's not how it worked out. And I saw her and I was like this is real. This is more real than I had, because if I avoided the wake, it wasn't real, it wasn't happening. I hear you.
Speaker 2:But then when I saw her, I was like can't deny it and I shut all the way down. There was no emotion. There was no. I wanted to. I cried a little bit, but it was not what I thought it would be, because I saved it for the year later when I went to her grave site the first Mother's Day. I did that one time and I have not been back since. Wow, I broke down so bad at that grave site. My husband and my kids were with me. I was, I was terrible at that grave site and that is, and I can't go back. I've been back one time in 20 years the first year, and that was it. So that's why I say pretty much she's on vacation from it and that's how you cope, that's how I get through, yeah that's how you post.
Speaker 1:I saw um miss judy. She said denial is a form of survival. So this is how you survive this because, we go through and in grief we get to a place of acceptance and that's not a place you really come to, or maybe you've dibbled and dabbled and put your toe in acceptance. You didn't put your toe in acceptance, it came back out like I accept that I cannot call her.
Speaker 2:I accept that I cannot call her, I accept that I physically cannot see her, but that I cannot call her.
Speaker 2:I accept that I physically cannot see her. Okay, but true acceptance of it, I think for me, would take away what I feel when I feel her physical presence. I need to, you need to feel that physical presence because I used to think when my grandmother was here, I could go to the house and I could feel her presence. I could go to the house and be in the presence of my mother as well. And then when my grandmother passed, I was like okay, now what.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now what it's uh, listen, it's a heavy pill to swallow because my mom and grandmother passed also, you know it's. I wasn't there because it was so sudden. I didn't get a chance to kind of be with her in her last days, and she wasn't sick, her heart just stopped, you know. And often when I see people who have their mom, even if their mom's sick, I tell them it's such an honor that you, you have this time to be able to say goodbye, to be able to you know that's how I see it because of my experience like it's an honor to be able to, you're able to, take care of your mom until she goes home and be with the lord. Like you, you know what I mean. That's just how I. I wish I had more time to do that.
Speaker 1:You know what my, what my daddy, I did, my stepdad he, me and him had cancer at the same time. So I was able to, me and my sister, we took care of him and that was time that we didn't have with our mom, and he said he would have even fought had my mother been alive, because she died the year prior and then we both were battling cancer and then he passed away. So me and my sister and brother. We're like we're orphans, we're like wait a minute, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:We were feeling like okay, which changed the dynamic, even of the siblings. You know, everything kind of everything shifts, everything shifts it, yeah. And then I found my biological father a few years ago and I was feeling, I was happy about that, but then I was feeling still like dang, but our parents are gone and now I have another parent and they don't have it like I've had all these type of feelings. I started carrying stuff I wasn't even meant to carry, you know, but I thought about them, you know, because that's a sensitive thing, that thought of being a motherless child.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like I had to shift that, though, because I'm not a motherless child. I am Jacqueline Rogers' daughter. I have a mother. Come on, you have a mother. You know what? I have a mother. I have a mother. Regardless of what she's not here now, I am still her daughter.
Speaker 1:I love that so much.
Speaker 2:I love that I am still the child she raised.
Speaker 1:I love that so much. I am still the child she raised. I love that I have a mother, and and, and think about everything that she's given you the legacy she's left you. Yes, I look at this. It says founder of the jacqueline rogers foundation. Incorporated. That's in honor of your mom. Tell me about that.
Speaker 2:That came to be. It was as simple as I had a coworker who had breast cancer for the second time and when I moved down here I used to go back and forth and do the walks back in Virginia the Susan G Coleman walks because that was one of the ways we decided as a family to honor my mother, me and my sister. We would do the walks. And then I was like, well, since I'm here and I can't keep going back and forth, although I was um, I wanted to do something to honor her here. So I just decided when my co-worker got diagnosed for the second time that I would do a fashion show. The first year we gave the money to Susan G Coleman and then Della was diagnosed with cancer. So we raised that money and gave it to her and ever since that moment we raised money to give to somebody locally.
Speaker 2:Now the foundation came about because I had two girlfriends that were helping me with the fashion show and Monique said well, why don't you start a foundation? What do I know about starting a foundation? I don't know nothing about that. Took that came home and told the man back there that I wanted to start a foundation and I was like I don't even know where to start, and he said don't worry about it, I got you. So he got me a lawyer.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:I got you the lawyer did all the paperwork and within 2016, we had that second fashion show 2017, the foundation was founded. In August of 2017, we got our 501c3 status. So ever since then, we have been up and running. So ever since then, we have been up and running. This is our 10th year and it's been amazing that I do this in honor of my mother, but I do this so that women in her position don't feel what she felt when it comes to you have a diagnosis, but yet your telephone is still ringing, yet the bills are still coming in.
Speaker 2:Your kids are still going to ask for things Because they're children and they're supposed to, and you should not feel guilty, because you are fighting for your life and your kids are still asking.
Speaker 1:It's hitting me, it's hitting home for me told you god, I'm very emotional illness my mother had.
Speaker 2:She dealt with um kidney failure when I was 16 years old and I wanted my classroom, but I knew I could not come home and say, mom, I want to get this class ready Cause you know it's not there to do. My daddy ended up getting it for me, but it's not. There's something. I went home and said, mom, cause it was a rite of passage, right. But I also knew that's how you, when you have people, young people that are dealing with family members that have long term illness, they are not your average child, they are not your average teenager. They can't be. They know what it is to live in a household where everything evolves around somebody being ill and what they can and cannot do girl, kim.
Speaker 1:So you are. Really, I didn't even know what we would talk about. I just said, lord, have your way.
Speaker 1:My daughter, my oldest daughter, was a senior the year I was battling stage three breast cancer, the year I was battling stage three breast cancer. So, prom, you got all these things and I was so sick, you know, but I was in that predicament like this stuff still has to happen. People were giving, and even my sister Erica, my sister in christ, gifted her her prom dress. She makes these things like she's awesome, like different things. People were just blessing us but I felt like, oh my goodness, normally because you know, I used to work in a salon normally money wouldn't have been no issue, but the lord had told me to close my salon. I didn't even know what was going on, but my entire life shifted. But that year my daughter had so much going on but my, the sickness that I battled was the I'm the nucleus. Now everything is revolving around mama got chemo, mama got. So I feel this and, yeah, you're right, they know what that's like and and they're not regular.
Speaker 2:You know that's a real thing, that's a hard thing to battle, and so they're dealing with your mortality. Immortality is what they're dealing with and nobody speaks to that. Because I know when I was in high school and my mother was going through that, because I know when I was in high school and my mother was going through that, nobody ever said to me talk to me about what I felt, what she was going through, seeing her struggle with the cramping, seeing her crawling on the floor trying to get to find out when she had a transplant, how close she really was to death was like and nobody said anything.
Speaker 2:It was never a conversation had. And then I turned around and did the same thing to my daughter, though when my mom was sick, I did not tell them how sick she was. I did not even tell my kids.
Speaker 1:Is that I'm protecting them, Like because I never, I always want to know the reasoning of that. When people do that because my mom didn't tell me she was having these heart issues, I find out when she passes away. So I was of that. When people do that because my mom didn't tell me she was having these heart issues, I find out when she passes away. So I was pissed off.
Speaker 2:I don't know that it was protecting her more or less of that's just what we did. Yeah, this is not. I felt like almost it's not a child issue, even though I knew how I felt because she was the same age as I was when my mother was first diagnosed with kidney failure, when my grandma, when her grandmother passed the same thing came around to you.
Speaker 2:Yes, and you responded in the same, in the same way, and that's what I'm saying. It's like I don't know whether it was just instinctive, that's what we're gonna do, we're not gonna talk about it, or was it my nature just not to talk? But the whole, as a whole family? It was not talked about when I was 16 years old how sick my mother really was. I didn't know she was in the hospital, but I didn't know she was near death. The kidney transplant saved her life, but I just thought it made it better. I didn't know she was near death. I didn't know that and I did the turnaround and did the same thing with my daughter, and I have apologized to my child for that. However, my child said to me you know what, mom? I don't know how I made it through. I didn't even think about it anymore.
Speaker 1:Very interesting she's handling things as you handle things Right. Listen to what she's saying. I mean, just clock what she's saying. I didn't even think about it. I mean that's the same thing you've been saying. I ain't thinking about it. It's the denial the same thing. It's just something that's perpetuating, like throughout your generation Same old thing. This is a cycle, wow.
Speaker 2:That's deep Conversations got to be had.
Speaker 1:Yep Conversations got to be had. You think I wanted to tell listen, when I found out for real, for real, I had to have a double mastectomy. It was going to be that january. This is 2016. It's going to be january 2017.
Speaker 1:We're sitting around, it's christmas time and I'm watching them open gifts, wondering if I'm gonna be here, if I'm like that's what my thought. I'm looking at them, smiling because I hadn't told them yet. Looking at them, but in my head, like, am I gonna be? Am I gonna see them grow up? Am I gonna live? I'm like you don't have all these thoughts because they're that's natural, you know.
Speaker 1:But I was a week away from surgery when I set them down to tell them. You know, my youngest was like are you gonna die? I said no, I'm not gonna die because the lord had already told me this is not into death. But you're not gonna have the, the testimony that you go when the tumor is gone. That's not your testimony. I wanted that testimony. I wanted the testimony where they go to the hospital, everybody pray and lay hands and it's gone. That was not my story.
Speaker 1:But my story was stage three double mastectomy, chemo, radiation, pain, bone pain, joint muscles, crawling on the floor sickness, oh, it tore me up to the point that I still deal with stuff today. That was my testimony. But I'm here, I'm here. So she said, there, you're gonna die. I was like, no, I could confidently tell her because I did trust the lord and still trust the lord, no, I would die, this is not unto death. So she was good. So she was like okay.
Speaker 1:My youngest one was like okay, that's all I want to know, you're not going to die, you're going to be good. My oldest became quiet and withdrawn. She didn't really talk about it and that's the one who was going through the senior. You know, she was a senior, but it's just different how they handled the differences and she'll talk now. You know, I was feeling this years later and this is how I was feeling. But I told them, I told them and I keep that line of communication open because my mother was she kept the line of communication open with me. So that's another trait. You know, like we're talking about cycles and generational, we were more open, so we're still open.
Speaker 2:You guys are part of that, though, of her not speaking, though, is adding to what you're already going through. A lot of times, we, as when we were younger children, we would not speak about what you didn't want to talk about. I don't want to add to what you're already going through, so I'm going to stay over here and keep this little bit to myself and try to make it a little bit easier, and that, as a child, that's what I did a lot as being the oldest girl. We're not going to do what we have to do.
Speaker 2:My mama said this house better be clean by the time she get home, and that's what we don't have to do If I have to clean up everything, I don't have a problem with it, but it's going to be done by the time Jackie Rogers get home, because I'm not going to take this beating for y'all Not on this one Now, me, and my sister is Not on this one. Now I'll take a beating for Joy Rogers. You better believe it. I used to go toe-to-toe for that girl and still to this day, that's my Miss Jenkins. If ain't nobody else on this earth you can talk to me about, you can talk about. You might even be able to talk to me about my kids, but my sister Not open for discussion. Alright, now, not that one.
Speaker 1:All right, you want his sister? Listen, you want here. I want to shift gears a little bit. I didn't even know we would go down that lane, but I think it was necessary, it had to be necessary. Because it wouldn't have happened right. I want to show this Because I really want to know how did you get here? This is a totally different. Listen here. This is a totally different face total.
Speaker 2:You can see it in the eyes, it's in the eyes oh, my sister's on here my daughter's up here.
Speaker 1:Your daughter's here. What's your daughter's name? Let me see. She got to put a comment so I can see her. Oh, they got my address, that's my sister that I love. Y'all put a comment, so we can know y'all here, your sister that you love, where's she at?
Speaker 2:My sister's sister is not up here. I don't see her. I see my girlfriend from.
Speaker 1:Iceland together. Listen, I didn't know it would go this way. We just got to talking and it just pulled up all this. We just have conversations, it's just whatever it is, but this here it looks like what was happening in this picture.
Speaker 2:I had already made up in my mind when I made this jump. There were certain conversations I needed to have coming down. There were certain people that I needed to talk to my mother, my grandmother my great Wait a minute, may.
Speaker 1:What jump you got to tell people what this is.
Speaker 2:This is when I jumped out of an airplane. I did a tandem jump on my 50th birthday. I have been wanting to do this jump since my 40th birthday, but my husband said no and my kids say are you crazy? So it took me 10 years to get to this point. And when I say in between that 10 years, a lot of stuff happened, a lot of things I just decided I was not wanting to deal with anymore, that I did not have to deal with anymore, that emotionally, I needed a physical release that I only felt I could get in the sky, that I only felt I could get in the sky Because I felt like they were up there so I can have these conversations with them on my way down. And when I say I released the guilt I felt of not being the daughter that my mother needed when she was going through. I released the guilt of not being able to attend my grandmother's funeral. I watched the funeral on Facebook because we were in COVID Wow. Because we were in COVID Wow.
Speaker 2:And an aunt, my aunt Vi, was everything to our family. When I say there were nurturers in our family, and then there was a nurturer in our family, she was the one that everybody could go to. She was the one that taught my daughter how to and my mother how to spell their name my, that taught my daughter and my mother how to spell their name. My daughter carries my mother's name, okay, but she taught her how to spell her name both of them. And sometimes you don't realize what you have until it's gone and until you are of an age to realize what it is. I knew in my aunt I had a great protector, a great support, but at the same time she passed when I was in Iceland and it was just like you deal with it but you keep on moving, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah but when I decided it was a conversation I was going to have in the sky with my relatives, and you did that when you went up there I did that.
Speaker 2:Because going up in this plane I scared my tandem jumper. His nerves were shook. He's like I've never had anybody that goes up and just so, calm, no conversation. Because I'm thinking what I'm going to say in my heart, what kind of words are going to come out when I get jump out this plane. And I explained to him. I said I didn't come up here just to jump, I came up here to have a conversation.
Speaker 2:And in the pictures there are a whole slew of pictures you can see in my face there was something going on. It wasn't just simply the joy of jumping, it was a joy of I get to say what I didn't get to say and they will literally be right here with me to hear. And coming down, I let out a squeal because it wasn't really a squeal that I still felt like hit heaven and I did exactly what I needed to do and I felt so relieved as if my mother is saying to me girl, you know, I know you. Why were you even worried about that? Why were you even worried about that? Why were you even worried that you weren't what you thought you were going to be?
Speaker 2:I know exactly who you are yeah, that gives me chills that was why I jumped, you're just fearless.
Speaker 1:well, fearless does not was why I jumped. You're just fearless. I'm not going to say it. Well, no, this is fearless does not mean you're not afraid, fearless means you do it afraid. You still do it, even if you're afraid. So that's why I say fearless. They're calling you a daredevil. I've been there too.
Speaker 2:I'll take that because I step out on the edge every now and again. I like a little hype. Take that Because.
Speaker 1:I, you know I'll step out on the edge. Every now and again I like a little hype, I ain't scared of it. You know what Look this makes me think of. So I got your book here and again. Let me put up her website, you guys, because her book, I want you to grab it.
Speaker 1:Affirming the Queen Withinme Affirming the queen within, that means affirming the queen within. So there's a part in here where you talk about comfort and you talk about pieces of you. Comfort versus calling, and what really stood out to me was the illusion of comfort. So she me was the illusion of comfort. So she writes about the illusion of comfort. It says comfort is a place of familiarity, security and routine. It's where things feel safe, where risks are minimal and where life can often seem easy. That sounds appealing. Appealing, doesn't it? The idea of avoiding risk, escaping the fear, failure and maintaining stability is tempting, but there's a hidden cost to staying in your comfort zone. It's stagnation, it's the slow erosion of potential, the quiet surrender of dreams and the missed opportunities that come from never stepping into the unknown. If I had let my thoughts stay thoughts and not act on them, I would not be where I am today. You wouldn't even have this book because it wouldn't exist. Woo, most definitely. I like that so much. The illusion.
Speaker 2:If you think about the comfort zone, it is comfortable, it is cozy, it is warm, and outside cozy, it is warm, and outside of that it can be harsh, it can be cold, it can be nodes all around you. But every idea anybody has ever had, from these earrings I'm wearing to the underwear each one of us has on our butts, or not, or not somebody came up somebody came up with that idea, yeah.
Speaker 2:So whether you, if you, think everything is found in your comfort zone, it's not. It's not. The desire to be on the other side is not comfortable, but I also know, I know what it felt like to be in my comfort zone all the time yeah you start to figure, you start to think. Well, I'm not capable of doing anything more than what I'm doing right now and even when you start to think you know everything.
Speaker 2:That is a comfort too, because now I do not have to exert myself to do anything other than what I know. Yeah, and that could. That's the problem. That's what happened to our little 18 year olds, our little 19 year old selves. We knew everything. Nobody could tell us nothing because we are in our comfort zone of what we know, the unknown we have no control over. But we feel like we have control of our comfort zone. So when we're talking to our kids because I know when I'm talking to mine I have to remind myself I used to be you.
Speaker 1:Of where they are right, their level of understanding.
Speaker 2:Their level of understanding. And also but I used to be you, but I need to react in a way that I didn't necessarily get. I need to react in a way that reminds myself that I used to be you.
Speaker 1:Come on, kim. Yes, when I see my daughter doing things like the bad parts of me, I'm like let me help you with this, because I went through this. This is let me just help you so you don't have to do that, because I see and see it, I've been there, done that, say it that, act it that way. I want to keep going, though, because you guys this is the section that says pieces of me comfort versus calling. Hold your book up, kim. I want to read the Power of your Calling. Now contrast that with the idea of a calling. A calling is that deep internal pull towards something greater, a sense of purpose that drives you toward specific goals or dreams. But here's the truth A calling will often demand more from you than you think you're capable of. That's good, it's uncomfortable, it's challenging and it requires you to stretch beyond what's familiar.
Speaker 1:Think of any great leader or influencer. Their stories are filled with moments where they had to leave their comfort zone behind and step into their calling. Discomfort is necessary for growth. Growth never happens in a comfort zone. It happens in those moments when you face challenges, when you take risks and, yes, even when you fail. It is through these experiences that you develop resilience, gain new perspectives and discover strengths you never knew you had. This is where faith comes into trusting the process of believing that you can overcome obstacles, and understanding that discomfort is not something to be avoided. Embracing fear and harnessing it properly can be a powerful motivator rather rather than a deterrent. I'm not going to read all of it, but y'all, this is good stuff, this is really good stuff. She goes on to say create your own affirmation. She gives you affirmations. You have these queen conversations. I love that. And then sharing a queen's heart. You have your page up 19. Yeah, read sharing a queen's heart, because I want, I want us to hear that in your voice and your tone and your conviction.
Speaker 2:A queen's heart knows that her calling is greater than her comfort. She understands that stepping out of the familiar may be daunting, but it's the only path to fulfill her dreams. I challenge you today with the choice between comfort and calling. Choosing your calling every. Choosing your calling every time. Your future self will thank you for it amen, this is good.
Speaker 1:It just sums up my life. Girl comfort versus calling I can stay, but I but I chose calling every time, every time, okay.
Speaker 2:Laura go, I can say, with running the foundation, because there were things I did not know, things I did not know, places I had to go, people I had to talk to. I had to become comfortable speaking with people that I felt at a certain time in my life were beyond me, that there were those conversations. I had to go into rooms that I felt that I did not necessarily fit in to find that space where you belong. Here too, why wouldn't you? You can hold these conversations, you can take these classes. You're capable of this.
Speaker 2:And I'm telling you, soon as you start to say yes to what your calling is, the world starts to rotate and those that you're supposed to have in your circle come to you. You can't stay in that little comfort zone. Once they start to come, there's time to step it up. But the world does rotate. Whatever you say you need, god provides. He does not give you the dream without the provisions of making that dream come true. You're going to have to do some work, which is true. You're going to have to take some no's, which is true. But then I think about the no's that I get. They're not on this journey with me. They're not supposed to be a part. They played their part. They said no, so I would be moving in the right direction. Had they said yes, and they weren't really supposed to be a part of that journey, I would have been detoured. So take the no notes for what they are. They're not supposed to be a part of that journey and you keep it moving because those that are will show up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that, because what I hear you saying is alignment. When you are aligned, when you answer your call, you become aligned with who God called you to be and where you're going. Things shift. People shift you to be and where you're going, things shift people shift opportunities.
Speaker 1:Um, other doors are closed, other ones are open. You know this does happen and it doesn't stop. When you say don't even get comfortable there, because you have to keep moving, keep elevating, because he's moving, he's not okay. Well, you're there, you've made it. No, keep going. Oh, I love this. I so enjoy talking to you. I so, so enjoy it, but I got to start wrapping it up. Wrapping it up, how can people stay in contact with you outside of the website? Tell us your social.
Speaker 2:I am on Facebook as Kim Rogers Cora. I am on Instagram under that name as well, or the Jacqueline Rogers Foundation Facebook, jacqueline Rogers Foundation as well, and there's also an Affirming the Queen page as well.
Speaker 1:All right, hey man, you guys, thank you. I've been doing it so much you did. Thank you for having me. Oh yeah, of course I knew we would just have a dope conversation. I didn't know what we were going to talk about, but I'm like we're just going to let it flow. But thank you all for coming on. Thank you for joining us for another episode. I'm going to ask Kim to pray us out, and so you guys come on and pray with us. So this will be just a big old family here. That's what we're doing. So this be just a big old family here. That's what we're doing. You not shy, you ain't shy, you ain't scared, you got this, oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Oh, father God, thank you for this conversation, thank you for those that joined us.
Speaker 2:Hopefully there was something said that would touch somebody's heart to ease somebody's pain, to make it a little more easier for them to deal with a loss, pain, to make it a little more easier for them to deal with the loss. Lord, father God, I thank you for touching me in this way, making it easier for the words that I say, that I feel within my own heart, to heal me as well. Lord, I thank you for Tara, because there is no way that this could have been done without her, and I thank you for those that joined us tonight. Father God, I thank you. I thank you, amen.
Speaker 1:Yes, we bless your name. Thank you, lord, thank you. You start feeling like I don't know. You were just talking about comfort. That's a comfort zone you gotta come up out of there, wasn't she just talking about?
Speaker 2:comfort.
Speaker 1:That's the comfort zone you got to come up out of there. Wasn't she just talking about comfort? You got to come up out of the comfort zone girl. I'm going to challenge you. You know that.
Speaker 2:And I accept the challenge. Thank you, yeah Amen, that's what we need to say from now on. You know what? I accept the challenge.
Speaker 1:I accept the challenge. Somebody put that down. We're putting that on the shirt too. I accept the challenge. I accept the challenge. We got this Alright, you guys. Thank you so much. You'll be blessed. I'll be back here next Wednesday 8 pm live, Hopefully with no tech issues, but if so, the show will go on. But you guys remember to live love and be authentic. That's my motto, that's what I live by. I love you guys and we're out.
Speaker 2:Good night y'all.
Speaker 1:Good night. That's it for today's episode. If this spoke to you, make sure you follow, subscribe and leave a comment or a review. That's it for today's episode. If this spoke to you, make sure you follow, subscribe and leave a comment or a review. That's how we get this message to more women battling shame, silence and the weight of old stories. And if you're serious about shifting your story, go take my free story validation assessment at herauthenticvoicecom. It'll show you exactly where you're stuck and what God has invited you to heal next. All right? Is that all right? Okay, I'm proud of you, I'm rooting for you and until next time, remember to live love and be authentic. This is your favorite Ship, your Story coach, coach Tara, and I'm out.
